by Michael | Feb 17, 2015 | Blog
At first sight, weddings are usually considered a “young person’s thing”, but it shouldn’t be overlooked that there are plenty of people marrying at a more mature age.
Why marry when older?
In many cases, people are choosing to put off their wedding longer so that they can enjoy themselves before being encumbered by a family. They may want to establish a business or career, and need to devote their time to this.
Some people believe they shouldn’t marry until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting. They may lack confidence.
Older people are returning to the marriage market for another go. They may be divorcees or widows/widowers.
Gay couples in a civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Source: www.columbian.com
Should the ceremony be different?
A church wedding (if permitted) and, indeed, a register office ceremony, will be the same for an 18-year-old or for a 58-year-old. They are basically standard ceremonies.
You will need a civil ceremony, if you’re looking for a bespoke ceremony.
Civil Ceremony suggestions
By the nature of the thing, no two civil ceremonies are likely to be the same, so it is impossible to be prescriptive.
Nevertheless, when approached by more mature couples, I still have the preliminary chat and establish what elements (if any) they have in mind. I make suggestions and then, over time, send them drafts for them to approve.
The areas I am likely to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- There is no reason why older couples can’t enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice). They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but older pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the marriage.
A good celebrant ought be able to supply suitable suggestions.
One or two rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for the more mature couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can be whatever the couple want, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, there are some suitable for more mature couples. I like this anonymous passage (for very mature couples!), and I conclude with it:
“The question is asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.’
by Michael | Feb 3, 2015 | Blog
You don’t need me to tell you how important it is that your reception should be successful. Hopefully, the wedding ceremony will have been beautiful and memorable – and a good celebrant will ensure just that. The reception is a different kettle of fish.
Of course, an article like this cannot hope to cover all kinds of receptions – budget and size may make all the difference. I’m assuming that you’re not using a wedding planner, although I have often argued in favour of engaging one.
Anyway, here at least are a few ideas that might be helpful.
Invitations
I have heard it suggested that you could have space on the RSVP cards for guests to choose their favourite song (or songs) for the reception. That way, everybody will be guaranteed to get up and dance at some time or another. Oh, do check beforehand that nobody’s choice is inappropriate!
The Personal touch
If there’s a seating-pan, a slightly time-consuming but lovely idea would be to place a sincere, hand-written note at each guest’s place. You may not get a chance later, but this way you can at least ensure you have thanked your guests for attending. They’ll surely appreciate the gesture.
Surprises
Extras, such as magicians, chocolate fountains, photo booths, can add something unexpected and exciting to the event (and most of your guests, who, unlike you, won’t have been studying wedding entertainment videos and magazines, will love the unexpected bonus).
Take-homes
You don’t need to give any gifts at all, but if you decide to, these could be something that ties in with the theme of your wedding. They needn’t be more than a packet of seeds for the garden.
Children
If you’re inviting little children, they could be asked to bring a favourite cuddly toy. Then if you provide a special table for these toys, the children can enjoy creating their own special party.
Depending on space, you might be able to organize a few party games. (This could actually be a possibility for some of the adults too!)
Maybe teenagers (who won’t want to be with the kiddies and certainly not with Mum and Dad!) could have a room to themselves set up with an Xbox or an area where they can sit and text comfortably during the speeches.
Drink
At least try and ensure that everyone’s first drink is free (and make sure they realise that too!). It’s nice to offer an alternative for non-drinkers such as a non-alcoholic cocktail (with the ingredients listed on a sign by the bar).
There should be enough food and drink for guests – especially if they’ve come quite a distance. Nibbles and drinks could be available for between the ceremony and reception. Jugs of water should (as it were!) be on tap.
Guest book
Apart from making a wonderful souvenir for the couple, people enjoy signing a guest-book and thus making their own contribution.
Some of these ideas will fit the bill, and, if you make the necessary preparations, you can relax, safe in the knowledge that you will be offering something a little different that will make your reception stand out (and for the right reasons!)!
by Michael | Nov 4, 2014 | Blog
A lot of people assume that a wedding should take place in the afternoon or, possibly, evening.
That makes some sense. It gives people living at quite a distance from the venue a chance to leave home at a respectable hour and not arrive too drained. Then they have the option of staying locally overnight after the festivities.
“I’m Getting Married in the Morning!”
But supposing it wasn’t that way round? What if guests stayed overnight before a morning ceremony and so were nice and fresh for it? True, they would have to watch what they drank, if driving back later that day, but it would not be ridiculous.
Another great reason for having the event in the morning is that it is normally considerably cheaper.
As there will be less competition at that time, the venue hire ought to cost less and you can probably get pay-per-plate items for a lot less than you would later in the day.
And remember, cheaper doesn’t have to mean worse.
The Ceremony
You should have no trouble getting the registrars to do their bit for you in the morning, and the same should certainly apply for the civil celebrant. It won’t affect the cost, but it will work every bit as well.
The Reception
Food
If you’re offering brunch, that means you can have breakfast and lunch items, which can add variety (without costing too much). You can offer a Full English (with vegetarian alternatives), but also, possibly, steaks, even salads, and waffles or the like.
Drink
Some people may not want to drink alcohol in the morning, so teas, coffees, mineral water, lemonade and fruit juice should be on offer. However, some people will definitely want a celebratory alcoholic drink or two, and some champagne may well be appreciated.
Revelry
It may be a (late) morning reception, but you can still have music and dancing (and certainly speeches – if you include those under the heading of ‘revelry’!). The entertainment may well be a little more subdued than you might expect at an evening gathering, but no less enjoyable for that!
There should also be a cake (people love the photo of the couple cutting the cake – and often enjoy the cake itself, of course!). Sweet stuff is sometimes less appreciated in the morning than later, but don’t expect too much for the doggy bag!
In conclusion
A brunch wedding can be as formal or informal as you like. That goes for the ceremony as well as the reception. For the festivities you can have food stations, or a regular sit-down four-course meal. You can have fine china, table service, flowers, entertainment for kids, and so on.
The joy is that the choice is yours, and for what should be considerably less expense, a morning wedding can be every bit as memorable and enjoyable as an afternoon one.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Sep 16, 2014 | Blog
We like – and need – rites of passage. These include baptism, confirmation,weddings, 21st birthdays, and (less popular!) death. They may also include Vow Renewals.
Vow renewals can seem irrelevant to you, unless you’re approaching a significant date or know of someone else who is. So what is the point of them?
Why consider a Vow Renewal?
- You’ve got through a whole year of marriage. You’ve learned how to share, compromise and live together. Well done! Why not mark this achievement in some way?
- You’ve managed five, ten, fifteen or twenty (you get the picture!) years together. Now that’s a real achievement! You could certainly recognise that in company with your friends and relatives.
- Maybe your marriage has been rocky, but you’ve come out on the other side, and you want to re-commit publicly.
- Maybe you married abroad, and would like to share the occasion with your friends over here.
- Perhaps you have acquired a whole new set of friends and even relatives since marrying.
- Maybe the vows you took have become irrelevant and need reformulating and restating.
- You might even simply be looking for an excuse for a celebration!
These are just some reasons to consider having a public ceremony, or Vow Renewal.
Advantages
You can have your ceremony wherever you choose (of course, you may need to get permission, etc.).
You can invite whoever you want and as many people as your budget allows.
You can include whatever you wish in the ceremony – readings, ritual, music, readers, etc. Your civil celebrant can advise and guide you. (Note that you will have the final say)
The tone of the ceremony (light-hearted, formal, etc.) is up to you.
You can include whatever elements matter to you – eg ring blessing, rewritten vows, handfasting, for example.
It needn’t be an expensive ceremony: at a basic level, you will need to pay for the venue (if you’re booking one), the civil celebrant, refreshments (if you’re having any), a new set of clothes, possibly, and not much else.
Examples
I have officiated at venues as different as a Mayfair hotel and a Canal Centre. The Shard has been suggested as a venue, as has Waterloo Bridge and even at sea on the Queen Elizabeth. For a handfasting vow renewal, the inner circle at Stonehenge is an option. And so it goes on …
If you can think of anybody who might appreciate a ceremony of this kind, I’d love to chat to them about it.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London, or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jul 1, 2014 | Blog
If the title sounds a bit melodramatic, don’t be put off. As my blog last week will suggest (https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1629), I have nothing against destination weddings! In fact, I spoke about how wonderful they can be, if you have the right civil celebrant.
However, there can be a few other things to look out for, if the wedding is to be the success that you are dreaming of.
Guests
A lot of thought is going to have to go into deciding whom you invite. I can’t advise you on that, as it obviously has to be your decision, but you will need to weigh up who absolutely has to be there (it may be the best man, parents, or whoever) and how you get them there.
Depending on where you are holding the ceremony, you will have to think about other people’s budgets (unless you’re lucky enough to be able to treat them to flights and/or accommodation!).
Venue
I suggest a few considerations here (remarks which might apply to any venue at all).
- If you are having a theme, will the venue be suitable?
- Is the venue licensed for civil ceremonies (or will you actually be marrying in a registry office before you depart, say)?
- Don’t forget to check if the area is big enough (but not too big!) for your party – and whether you will need to hire any equipment (audio, seating, cutlery, etc.)
- Is there an in-house wedding co-ordinator – and will she be there on the day?
- Can the catering arrangements all be sorted satisfactorily? Will vegetarian or gluten-free options be wanted – or even possible? Can there be a cake?
- Does your package include menus, place cards, centerpieces, etc.?
Accommodation
It is probably simpler, if you stay in the hotel where the ceremony will take place. If not, ensure you organise transportation well in advance. At all events, try and do your homework before booking.
If you have guests arriving after you, ensure they know how to reach the venue from the airport/port.
Make sure you check their requirements before booking them for at least bed and breakfast.
Before the wedding
The last thing you want is to be ill on your wedding day. Therefore:
- Avoid over-indulging in alcohol, especially the day before the ceremony
- Be conservative about what and how much you eat, especially the day before the wedding
- Don’t spend too long in the sun
- Ensure you keep well-hydrated (with bottled, still water, preferably)
A Wedding Blessing?
What about those people you didn’t invite or who couldn’t join you in your exotic location?
A lovely possibility would be to hire a room in a restaurant or hotel near your home back in the UK, and hold a bespoke wedding blessing ceremony just for your friends and family. A civil celebrant could compile and conduct a beautiful, meaningful short service for you.
Your guests would love having the chance to witness and participate in what is (to all intents and purposes) your marriage, and would appreciate the photo-opportunities. Knowing the legal bit is long over and done with, you would simply relax and enjoy the whole event.
That way, everybody can be happy!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
