by Michael | Jun 11, 2019 | Blog
It sounds like I’m boasting, but I’m not! Honest!
Living it up
I recently spent three nights on Guernsey followed by lunch at Le Manoir aux quat’ Saisons in Oxfordshire.
Guernsey was lovely – I conducted a fabulous wedding there, but that’s not actually what I want to talk about.
It’s eating out.
My experience of the local cuisine (and, apart from breakfast, I was never eating in the same place twice) was most positive. Ingredients were fresh and well-cooked, portions were hearty and prices were reasonable. Service was good. A 2-course meal typically cost £20-30 a head, including a drink.
I really enjoyed every meal and felt very satisfied.
Another World
At Raymond Blanc’s Manoir, my family started off at the wrong building. We were corrected with a smile and not just told where to go, but were conducted there. This was typical of the service. It was friendly, not condescending, prompt and designed to ensure you felt properly looked after.
We loved our 4-course meal with wines. The presentation alone was another world, and the delicate tastes were not to be forgotten.
Fortunately, our friends were treating us, so I don’t know how many hundreds of pounds per head they paid!
I can only say that the whole experience was worth every penny that I imagine was spent.
So, if I’m not boasting, what’s the point of recounting all this?!
Well, it’s that you do pay for quality. I really enjoyed the Guernsey cuisine, but the Manoir experience was something else again. It was totally memorable (although relatively ephemeral). In fact, we set ourselves a goal to be able to afford to finance another meal there in ten years’ time!
What can we learn from this?
The Lesson
If you’re looking to create a ceremony, you will probably need to hire suppliers. How do you select between them?
You may have first-hand testimonials. You may like someone’s website. You will have a budget that you do not want to exceed.
So how to choose?
One of the pieces of ‘homework’ you should always do is to speak to the potential supplier. Ask the questions you need and get a feel for them. Compare (like-for-like, if possible) with a similar supplier.
As a celebrant, I know I am not the most expensive out there, but I am dearer than a number of my competitors. I believe I offer an absolutely above-average service, so I justify this easily enough.
I suspect that some celebrants price themselves at the lower end of the spectrum, and may offer commensurate service – and this may not be what the client is really after.
I know that paying ‘loadsa money’ does not guarantee quality, but there is a fair chance that someone at the higher end of the scale will supply wonderful service. Testimonials may well be a useful guide here when you are deciding.
At the end of the day, you have to settle on what price you are willing to pay, but don’t just jump for the cheapest! Find out how the supplier works and what they offer before deciding.
by Michael | May 14, 2019 | Blog
What they call a ‘significant birthday’ is fast approaching – it is but a couple of weeks away, as I write. I hope you’ll understand, if I go a bit ‘mushy’!
How to celebrate
Let’s get it over with, then! I’ll reach what I still think of as ‘retirement age’ in June.
I am a civil celebrant, so you’re going to expect me to arrange a ceremony for myself (and, maybe, even conduct it myself!). Well, no, you’d be mistaken. That’s not what I’m doing.
However, I do plan to mark the occasion publicly. So I am going to receive a religious blessing during a (regular) service in front of people that I love. (I’m an active worshipper, so it’s not hypocritical for me to choose the religious option. After all, I offer my clients the ceremonies that suit them.)
Irrespective of my example, I absolutely encourage people to celebrate a life-cycle event. Be proud of how far you’ve come and appreciate what you have to be grateful for! I get it that not everyone will decide to mark it with a public event, though.
It’s also lovely to have an excuse to make a fuss of ‘the star’ or be the one in the spotlight – but that won’t rock everybody’s boat. Persoanlly, I’m with those who prefer to keep it mostly low-key.
In fact, I shall be taking a city-break as my ‘big treat’, as well as enjoying a couple of meals out with selected family and friends. I imagine that some alcohol may possibly pass my lips during this period!
Personal
I have reached the time in my life when I have become aware of the transience of life. I can look back as well as forwards. Nobody (yet!) can really predict their life-span or what will befall them before they reach it. So take stock and appreciate what you do have.
I acknowledge that, as far as I can tell, I am in pretty good health (for my age!). I still have body and mind that function effectively, despite odd wobbles, and I am so grateful. I appreciate the maturity I have acquired, yet I can still run for a bus. I may even remember my Oyster Card!
I exercise, enjoy eating (more judiciously, these days), listening to and (in a choir) singing music, and I appreciate nature. I watch sport (on TV these days) and manage to do puzzles and occasionally some reading. Life could be a lot worse.
The Past shaping the Future
What is important to me is where I have come from (and how I have developed and been able to contribute to other people). I know I had reached an impasse in my fifties. I never anticipated my mid-life crisis (who can?) and I went through a ghastly few years.
Without that
ordeal, I would never have evolved. I would never have leapt at the opportunity
of becoming a civil celebrant. I might not have been the husband and father I
have become. I would never have the (mainly positive!) challenges of my current
life.
I look forward to each day, and that’s so important for me. I am blessed with my family and my friends. I am blessed with the work I do. I am blessed by being able to feel positive, wanted and loved. I am blessed that I can contribute valuably to my family, friends and clients.
I am so grateful for the love, trust, patience and support that have been shown to me.
I wonder whether I’ll be able to say all that at my next milestone?! Or what my next milestone will be?
by Michael | May 7, 2019 | Blog
What makes a good Ceremony? You might not expect my answer to include the word “exam”, but it does!
Universities are doing it already. Schools are gearing up for it. I’m not referring to a ceremony. So, what is it?
The answer (as the title may suggest!) is: examinations!
You may well
ask: what have examinations in common with ceremonies?
Components
If you hark back to those halcyon days of your youth, you’ll surely recall exams.
There would be all the hard work (usually!) in the build-up, nerves during the run-in, writer’s block at some point of one exam (at least) and loads of writing. The writing might be sourced from your imagination; it might come from other people’s work (I mean quotes, rather than plagiarism!); it might be plans, sums or sketches. And a lot of concentration would need to be applied over time.
There might
be discomfort (uncomfortable chair, aching hand, exhaustion, pressure hot, stuffy room etc.) before
the inevitable debrief at the end.
Oh, yes! Does that bring back (happy!) memories?!
Comparison
So what does that have in common with putting a life-cycle ceremony together?
A ceremony normally requires a good script.
The celebrant must be guided by the information he/she has elicited from the client.
Now, many celebrants write (ie compose) their own readings or poems; some will write some of their own, but compile other pieces. I openly confess that I rarely write my own. I either adapt or use readings from other people who are probably hugely better writers than I dare claim to be.
So I speak for myself now, although I honestly don’t know who needs to do more work – the celebrant who follows their muse or myself having to trawl through material to find the appropriate text.
Like an examinee, I sometimes encounter writer’s block (when I simply can’t find the perfect piece). Like a student, I’ll leave it and return to it (hopefully, refreshed), and try again.
There’ll be a lot of research, and writing (or typing) for the student and for me. Concentration – it goes without saying – is vital I prefer the silence of the exam room. The student answer paper will go off for the examiner to mark; my draft goes off to the client for them to comment on and amend, if necessary.
The student will have a distinct time limit for their exam. That is pressure! In my case, I will have a deadline too, although it is rarely measured in hours. I think my record was to put together a ring-blessing in less than five hours, with the only guideline being that it should be non-religious!
Whatever the commonalities of student and celebrant, I wish all students all the best as they go through a trying time. (Maybe they’ll be looking for a ceremony later to celebrate their success!
For myself, I’m looking for more passes – preferably, with distinction!
For some ideas, please have a look at my YouTube channel (and subscribe!): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wWfxIZw0VpZLbHrJAbV6A?view_as=subscriber
by Michael | Apr 29, 2019 | Blog
Unless you’re a Pagan, it may have escaped you
that today is Beltane. It’s a fire ritual and has some interesting traditions.
What is it?
Beltane is a fire festival, and originates
from the Celtic God ‘Bel’, meaning ‘the bright one’ and the Gaelic word ‘teine’,
meaning fire.
Beltane honours life. Taking place on 30th
April, it represents the peak of Spring and the beginning of Summer. The theme
is fertility.
On the eve of the month of May, the sexuality
of life and the earth is at its peak.
The Maiden goddess has reached her fullness.
She is the manifestation of growth and renewal. She can be known as Flora, the
Goddess of Spring, the May Queen or the May Bride.
The Young Oak King or Jack-in-the-Green or the
Green Man falls in love with her and she accepts him.
The May Queen falls pregnant.
The couple are symbols of the Sacred Marriage,
the union of Earth and Sky. This is the night of the Greenwood Marriage.
Beltane traditions
As this is a fire festival, bonfires are lit to honour the sun and
encourage the support of Bel and the Sun’s light to prosper the coming harvest
and protect the community.
Traditionally, all fires in the community would have to be extinguished. Then a special fire, known as ‘tein-eigen’, or ‘need-fire’ is kindled for Beltane.
,People would jump the fire for cleansing, purification, and fertility. Some couples would jump together (to pledge continuing fidelity) and cattle and other animals would be driven through the smoke as a protection against disease and to bring fertility.
Finally, the villagers would take some of the Tein-eigen to start their own fires again.
Ceremonies
As Beltane celebrates the Great Wedding of the Goddess and the God, it
is a popular time for pagan weddings or handfastings.
If you would like to find out more about how you can mark Beltane, it’s possibly a little late now! However, if you’d like to consider a handfasting, then please get in touch!
For some ideas, please have a look at my YouTube channel (and subscribe!): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wWfxIZw0VpZLbHrJAbV6A?view_as=subscriber
by Michael | Apr 8, 2019 | Blog
A lot of people are choosing to marry later than what was once the norm. The young at heart are stepping into younger people’s shoes!
Reasons for Marrying later
Quite often, the more mature are marrying later for financial or career reasons. Or the couple may want to put off having a family.
Then there are the returnees. They’ve been married before, and, for various reasons, are starting again.
One or both of them may be divorcees. Alternatively, they may have lost their first spouse.
Next, there are those who are afraid of taking such a big step. They don’t want to risk marrying until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting.
Gay couples in a
civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to
marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Should the ceremony
be different?
A church wedding (if permitted) will be the same for an 18- or a 58-year-old. The same can be said for a register office ceremony. These are basically standard ceremonies.
If you’re looking for a tailor-made ceremony, then go for a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony
suggestions
By the nature of the
thing, no two civil ceremonies are likely to be the same, so it is impossible
to be prescriptive.
Nevertheless, when approached by couples who are young at heart, I still have the preliminary chat and establish what elements (if any) they have in mind. I make suggestions and then, over time, send over drafts for them to approve.
The areas I am likely
to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- Why shouldn’t older couples enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice)? They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but maturer pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the marriage. A good celebrant will be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some
rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature
couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can be whatever the couple want, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples. I like this anonymous passage (for couples who are very young at heart!), and I conclude with it:
“The question is
asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping
hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more
beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more
beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing
their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped;
their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and
tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful
thing than young love. Old love.’
For some ideas, please have a look at my YouTube channel (and subscribe!): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wWfxIZw0VpZLbHrJAbV6A?view_as=subscriber
