Do you get value for money when you engage a civil celebrant? Well, how much are you paying, for a start? How can you be sure that your supplier will provide what is wanted? What value do you put on a bespoke ceremony, impeccably delivered? Why bother with a Civil Celebrant in the first place – what’s wrong with DIY?
DIY
Let’s take the last point first.
Doing it yourself can work out. It’s obviously cheaper getting an amateur to compile and conduct the ceremony, but the key could be in the word “amateur”.
It’s quite a challenge to understand what is required, what the couple’s vision might be. Then choosing readings that are appropriate is not the easiest thing in the world. Finally, projecting and delivering a meaningful, memorable ceremony on the day is not something everybody can successfully do.
A civil celebrant will be trained to do all these tasks and, with luck, will have experience of the whole process. They take pride and pleasure in doing a good job. They are also aware that their reputation as a professional is at stake.
The Offering
So what can they offer you, and how much can you reasonably expect to pay?
Again, “it depends”!
The celebrant will consult with you and ask questions (as well as answer them). They will endeavour to eke out your vision for the day so that they can include the most suitable elements. These may include rituals such as a wine ceremony or handfasting, but there is a huge variety available.
They will suggest and advise what might work best and what, if anything, to be wary of.
Celebrants will discuss the processional (entry) and exit, music, readings, choreography and participants. They will offer guidance with the preparation of the vows.
After agreeing the ceremony order and content with you, the celebrant will know what to do on the day itself. Experience will be invaluable, especially when checking that everything is prepared beforehand and calming the nerves of all concerned.
Finally, the celebrant’s presentation skills will make all the difference to the actual ceremony.
To some extent, you get what you pay for. The amount charged may fluctuate depending on how complicated the work is likely to be. I might charge more for a foreign language ceremony, as I would have to put in quite a bit of extra work to get it perfect.
Whatever the quote, be sure you understand what is included. Is travel extra, for example?
Some celebrants will ask over £1,000 for the whole thing; others may barely charge half of that. So how can you judge which will give better value? I think the answer also depends!
If you’ve seen the celebrant in action or you know somebody who has worked with them, then you’ll have a feel for them. Otherwise, start at the website (including testimonials) and see if the celebrant appears to be on your page. Whatever you do, have a call (face-to-face, zoom or even just by phone), so you can see if you like the celebrant. Ask plenty of questions. Do they listen to you and understand what you have in mind?
Most civil celebrants are professionals in the best meaning of the term. This one would love to make a real difference to your big occasion, and you have only to contact me to set the wheels in motion.
I’m often asked to talk about my favourite ceremony. Wow! I’ve conducted nearly three hundred in my nine or so years as a civil celebrant, so which to choose?
And why would it be my “favourite”? Because of the people involved, the venue, the ceremony itself, or a combination?
Even if we ignore the funerals, baby blessings and vow renewals, and stick to weddings, there’s quite a choice!
I shall force myself to settle for three, so these might be them:
Lovely People
A St Peter Port sight
This category could encompass so many families, but I particularly enjoyed my rapport with a Guernsey family. They had to pay for board and lodging for me when I came over to officiate. That was standard: I had to stay two nights to accommodate a rehearsal and the wedding itself. What I didn’t anticipate was the beautiful hotel they booked for me in the centre of St Peter Port. They even suggested a restaurant for me, which they paid for, and it certainly was not one of the cheapest!
The family treated me so well, wanting me to have positive memories of Guernsey, and they really succeeded. I wasn’t “just a supplier”.
But the icing on the cake came when I left.
Despite glorious sun in St Peter Port, dense fog greeted us at the airport, and all flights for the rest of the day were cancelled. Not the family’s fault, but, when they found out we had had to stay at a hotel (a different, but still very acceptable, one) for another night, they reimbursed me fully.
Lovely Venue
Perfect setting for a wedding
I’ve been so lucky to have officiated in some stunning country houses and hotels. Any of them deserve a mention, but I’m going to be disciplined and plump for one only.
Thanks to my knowledge of Russian, I was booked to conduct a ceremony in Cyprus (that sounds illogical, but it wasn’t!). The couple took over a 5* hotel about 45 minutes’ drive up from Paphos. The venue overlooked the ocean and the terrace was decorated with hundreds of pink flowers. Quite unforgettable!
Lovely Ceremony
Handfasting wedding
At the other end of the scale regarding budget, I experienced a really memorable ceremony one January. The couple arranged for me to set up (which I did an hour in advance) in the open air at Old Sarum. This is a very exposed Iron Age fort overlooking Salisbury.
The couple were to get legally married at the local Register Office before driving up for the bespoke ceremony. Unfortunately, traffic delayed them about 45 minutes.
Remember, this was January and I was in a spot with no shelter for what turned out to be a couple of hours, even before the ceremony started!
Somehow, despite local flooding and although it poured the night before and there was a thunderstorm later that afternoon, the weather held off for me and the wedding party.
The ceremony – already special – stood out because it was a half-Jew marrying a pagan, with elements from both religions being included (and explained by me!). I’ll never forget the Unity Cup ritual, where, rather than drink a modest drop of wine, the groom virtually demolished the whole bottle on the spot!
I hope you’ve enjoyed joining me down memory lane (I certainly did!). If you want me to help you create some unforgettable memories, just have a word.
Although a lot of people have heard of “handfasting”, most don’t know what it is. So they don’t consider including it in their ceremony. It’s a lovely ritual, and they may be missing out.
Origin
Yes, it’s pagan, but if the thought of “pagan” conjures up visions of biting off the heads of live chickens, think again! This is a nature-related ritual, and nobody and nothing gets harmed!
Handfastings date back to the Middle Ages. They were originally a marriage rite, an alternative to the expense of a clergyman. So they were mostly for peasants.
What happened was that a cord was wrapped round the couple’s wrists until their union was consummated. (They would then keep it as a token of their commitment and love.)
Nowadays
Today, the symbolism remains the same. However, there are essentially two types of handfasting. One is the climax of an entire service; the other will just be an element in a ‘normal’ ceremony.
You have free choice of the type of cord you use. I advise one that is at least a metre long (to give me a chance to tie it successfully!). You can choose the colour or type. There are different ways of knotting – I prefer the figure of eight way (representing infinity).
Let’s see what the full service might look like.
What it is
There are no hard-and-fast rules about what goes in to the full service. Your celebrant can advise. Most ceremonies will include the following:
Sanctifying the Circle – symbolises the womb of Mother Earth – we make the wedding site a holy place.
Elemental blessings – these enable us to appreciate how the four elements help us on our journey.
Loving Cup – symbolises drinking in the promises or vows the couples have made.
Handfasting – the symbolic binding of the hands. This inspired the terms “bonds of holy matrimony” and “tying the knot”.
Jumping the Broom – another old custom (probably related to American slave weddings) symbolising the creation of hearth and home together.
Why include the handfasting?
The handfasting words and act are beautiful. They make the ceremony stand out, as the whole ritual is very special. For many people, the connection with nature is highly important. But there’s nothing wrong with simply including something that is different to the norm.
Whatever the reason for including it, you are welcome to discuss it with me. Just give me a call.
People rarely have any idea what a civil celebrant actually does. The wonderful results don’t just come from a few minutes’ work! Or even a couple of hours.
There’s so much that goes on unseen – even before the “couple of hours” on the day.
The Day of the Ceremony
“On the day” is the visible part, although it includes travel time too.
So what else is included?
I always aim to arrive an hour or so before the ceremony start time. That factors in the unexpected. There could be severe traffic, for example, or road works.
When I reach my destination, I make contact with the groom (and bride, if possible) and, especially, any event planner. I want to see the place where the ceremony will take place, and check that everything we have ordered is prepared. There may also be a sound check, if appropriate.
I can put the groom’s mind at rest (and the bride’s too!) by my calm and cheerful efficiency. They are most likely to be highly nervous, and need distracting and, sometimes want guidance.
If possible, I get to see the best man (or equivalent) to check all is in order. I also do my best to reassure anybody in the bridal procession.
Obviously, I conduct the ceremony, which tends to last about 30-40 minutes. Once it’s over, unless I’m wanted for photos or whatever, I normally slip off.
Before the Day
From booking to delivery, you are tapping into the celebrant’s experience, training and personality. Not to mention, time and accessibility. And, eventually, writing, followed by presentation, skills.
When you book me, we’ll be working together to come up with a unique, tailor-made ceremony that fits with your vision, beliefs and wishes. You will be able to input your thoughts and preferences, so that the final version will have been totally approved by you. No unpleasant surprises!
No, it’s not just about that hour or so when I am visible!
To have a chat about working with me, please contact me.
People can’t understand why I am passionate about funerals.
Weddings, OK, but funerals …???
The key reason is that I get a lot of satisfaction helping people when they are (often) at their lowest ebb. I come in, usually as an outsider, and give them information they will need, answer questions they may have and offer them a listening ear.
I give them reassurance.
I show that putting together a funeral service is not so hard, and the results can be very satisfying to all concerned.
I am privileged to hear things some of the rest of the family may not have heard before. For the week or so between being given the contact details and the funeral, I build up a bond between the next-of-kin and myself.
When I conduct the ceremony, I often receive heartfelt thanks afterwards, which is very rewarding. You can’t beat things like, “Uncle Dave would have loved that” or “I really enjoyed the service”.
Less significant perhaps, but I appreciate the variety of the work. No two families’ stories are the same. I meet some lovely people. I get a kick out of being there for folk who are often confused, angry, grieving or bewildered. The personal touch is very important – even if more of it is done remotely these days.
On a trivial note, I guess, I also enjoy relationships I have made with funeral directors and their teams, and with crematorium staff. And I do get the chance to visit some lovely cemeteries that I would never otherwise see.
I conclude, as I began, with an autumnal scene from Gunnersbury Cemetery.
Perhaps now you’ll get some sort of an idea why I love my job!
