by Michael | Oct 1, 2018 | Blog
Let me get one thing straight at once. My title is ambiguous. I’m not necessarily talking about renewing your vows a second or third time (although you’re welcome to). I actually mean that this is a continuation of last week’s blog which had the same title (but no “again”!).
Well, that’s cleared that up! Or, more likely, it has just muddied the waters …!
Anyway, last week’s blog covered why you should consider renewing your vows. Hopefully, it convinced you at least to think about it.
So this time, let’s look at how you may choose to mark it.
Dispelling some Fallacies
At first glance, you may assume that a vow renewal is something like a wedding ceremony. After all, they’re logically connected!
One massive difference between the two ceremonies is this: in order to renew your vows, you do NOT need a legal ceremony. This ceremony is purely optional, so the registrars do not come into it.
The second difference is that you do not have to do what anybody else wants! When you married, you probably had to take into account the wishes – even demands – of your parents. Or even of other people. You may have had to take on elements that you’d have preferred to omit. You may not really have agreed with the religious elements that were (or were not) included. The venue may not have been where you’d really have wanted to hold your ceremony. You may have had a less than free hand in choosing the guests.
And the list may go on.
What you must understand
Your vow renewal is YOUR big day. You organise it yourself. You pay for it. You can choose everything about it.
It can be a small affair. Or it can be bigger than your wedding. It can be wherever you like. I have celebrated a lovely vow renewal alongside a canal, because barging was the couple’s passion. Indoors, outdoors – it’s up to you.
You can choose how much you spend. It is entirely your call how much and what you offer your guests by way of refreshment, or entertainment.
Making the ceremony memorable
The final area of choice is the ceremony itself.
Hopefully, you will choose a civil celebrant like myself to work with! In that case, you have guidance and advice on tap. You work as a team, so you’ll have plenty of input. The end result is your dream ceremony.
You may choose to repeat your marriage vows. However, you may prefer to write new ones. (Your celebrant will be able to help you.) You may want your rings to be blessed.
You have the option of inviting friends and/or family members to participate. You can have as spiritual a ceremony as you choose. You may incorporate rituals of your choice. The tone can be informal, if that’s what you want. You approve all the readings before the big day.
Not forgetting that you will also have chosen the venue and the reception.
Now, doesn’t that sound attractive?
For any help with this ceremony, don’t hesitate to give Michael a call.
by Michael | Sep 13, 2018 | Blog
So many people assume that a wedding can’t be creative. It’s either got to be a full religious service or a register office ceremony. Or so they think.
Provided you ensure the legal formalities are complied with, you can have a creative ceremony.
What do I mean by “creative”? That’s a huge question.
For example, you need to consider whether you plan to hold the ceremony indoors or out. How conventional do you want it? What about a wacky venue? On the seashore, at an aquarium, in a hot-air balloon. You get the picture …
Wide-ranging
To speak fairly generally, you can hold a fairly traditional ceremony that, to all intents and purposes, looks like the wedding my grandparents would have expected (except that it might not be held in a religious edifice).
You may opt for a pagan ceremony or some pagan elements. A handfasting will invoke nature blessings and can be most exciting.
Then there are various gradations of religiosity. You could have a few prayers and blessings, some originating from other liturgies or cultures, and of course it might be a humanist-type wedding, with no religious words at all.
A Civil Celebrant-led wedding can cover any degree of religiousness, but your choices don’t end there. There’s the tone and language to be used (by which I mean formal or informal), there’s the music to be decided, what readings or poems will be used, and, indeed, whether you want friends or family participating.
Perhaps the element that differentiates weddings the most is the choice of ritual. That could be another blog in itself! However, maybe this will give you an idea what I am driving at.
Depending on personal beliefs and preferences, you can include rituals from your own or other religions. An East European ritual, for example, involves the couple being presented (usually by a mother) with a loaf of bread. They both bite into it simultaneously, and the person who gets the greater piece will supposedly become the head of the household!
One of my favourite rituals normally comes at the end of the ceremony, is pagan, and can bring a smile to everyone’s face. (But it has slave origins, so not everyone will go for it.) It’s called “jumping the broom” because the couple have to jump together over a besom. This symbolises sweeping out the old and bringing in the new, as they start their life together.
For further suggestions, feel free to contact me!
by Michael | Sep 11, 2018 | Blog
Divorce isn’t the only reason why a marriage breaks up . It could be due to death. And it’s reasonable that people can find it difficult to gee themselves up for remarriage.
Certainly, many people who marry again go for a smaller affair than the original.
One big ‘plus’
A huge advantage about a second wedding is that it can be much more fun than the first!
Think about it. This time there won’t be the stress of family pressure. You can make your own decisions freely. This marriage is exclusively about the two of you. You are mature, consenting adults – maybe with your own children and homes. Your ceremony is all about your commitment to each other (although sharing the celebrations with others is very much a part of it too).
The good news is, then, that you don’t have to follow other people’s rules. You can do what you want for remarriage.
That means that clothing, guests, venue, celebrant, reception are all up to you.
Clothing
There is no obligation to wear – or avoid – any particular clothing. If a second-time bride wants to wear white, why shouldn’t she? (Even if she wore it the first time around.) A full-length gown is lovely, but why not a shorter dress in a different colour or colours? Formal or informal? It’s down to you.
Guests
First time around, you had to make compromises as to who you invited. Now you can have a huge affair or fly off somewhere with just a couple of friends. You might have a small reception for closest family and friends. There is no need to break the bank, if you do not want to.
Ceremony
If you want a creative, personalised ceremony, then have a chat to a Civil Celebrant. You will get good ideas and will be able to put together a ceremony that reflects your personality and will be really special.
Look at the information at https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/civil-weddings/.
Venue
Depending on your religion’s take on remarriage, the religious option may be for you; alternatively, you may want only a quiet (if uninspiring) register office wedding.
Many people these days choose a hotel or restaurant, but there’s nothing to stop you using a back garden, museum, hot-air balloon or wherever your imagination takes you. (Remember to get permission first!) Your celebrant can explain how it all works.
It can be a casual affair or as formal as you choose. But of course, whatever your options, your wedding will still need to be legally registereed.
Reception
Again, the scale and budget of the affair will dictate what sort of reception you will choose. You might like to read my comments on receptions in a past blog: http://wp.me/p5qOOT-w7 .
Wedding gifts
You may organise a wedding list, but you may – especially if you are combining two homes – already have virtually everything you need. There’s nothing to stop you inviting guests to contribute money to a charity of your choice.
I hope these suggestions will be useful to you – however many marriages you have already experienced! You will learn from any past mistakes and enjoy precisely the wedding that you desire.
Don’t forget to ask your celebrant for help or advice.
by Michael | Aug 13, 2018 | Blog
One of the joys of my job is that I am able to create a unique ceremony. My clients have the freedom to choose precisely how they want their event to pan out. They are in control of the amount (if any) of religion, rituals, music, readings and participation.
However, it’s worth having a closer look at “unique”. There are only so many different venues, rituals or readings available for your service – but the combination and choice can add up to “unique”.
Venue
In 2014 (sorry I don’t have more up-to-date figures!), 33.5% of UK marriages were conducted in a religious building (mostly, churches). The register office accounted for 10.5%. That left over half taking place elsewhere.
The most popular place was a hotel (nearly 20%), followed by a castle (15.5%). Almost 5% got married abroad and just fewer than 1% tied the knot in a marquee.
Do your sums and you’ll note that that leaves a fraction over 15% whose wedding took place somewhere else again!
Intriguingly, I couldn’t find any statistics for this large share of the market, but I guess we are looking at more imaginative places such as sea-shores, back gardens, hot-air balloons, underwater – and who knows where!
What it does show is that people are more aware of creative possibilities and more open to civil ceremonies.
Cost
The majority of weddings in 2014 (34%) cost between £5,000 and £10,000, although those spending between £10,000 and £20,000 were close behind (33.2%). Almost a quarter spent £5,000 or less.
The costs are unlikely to have diminished over this passage of time.
The honeymoon
The average honeymoon price was £4,700. Favourite destinations were the 3 Ms: Mexico, Mauritius and the Maldives.
Planning
Finally, how did prospective pairs plan their 2014 weddings?
Clearly, they used a combination of resources. Websites furnished information for 90.5% of couples, magazines 83.5% and fairs or shows almost three quarters.
Summary
Evidently, people are becoming conscious of having more choice. They realise that the church and register office are not the only options. Along with venue selection, they can have a real say in how they celebrate their own big day. And that means the type of ceremony (for further thoughts on this, please see my blog “Personalised Weddings” ).
This freedom of choice has got to be a good thing! Use it!
by Michael | Jul 30, 2018 | Blog
My summer holidays this year have been relatively tame (not that I didn’t enjoy them a lot): a couple of nights in the Cotswolds and then a couple more with friends near Cologne.
One oddity, when I do go away, is that – however quiet business has been up till then – enquiries suddenly descend on me.
A few years back, the Gordon family were literally on the doorstep with our suitcases, about to go away (also to Germany), when the phone rang. My wife ordered me to take the call, and it turned out to be an inquiry for a job I was later to get. So that worked well.
Similarly, this year, the day we left, I was contacted about putting together a wedding ceremony in Hertfordshire for a Chinese couple. The downside is that I have incredibly little notice, but luckily I have become quite proficient at coping with “lastminute.com” ceremonies. I think I’m going to manage it!
While we were away, I was also contacted about a small wedding in someone’s home in just over a month. Well, that would not normally be too much of a challenge to me. However, what I omitted to mention was that my correspondent seems very laid-back about responding, and this ceremony is supposed to take place in Wisconsin! At the time of writing, I don’t know if this will come to pass at all.
I was also asked to do a burial service on the one day I had between my two trips – I guess that timing is king!
And just before our holiday, I was booked for another last minute ceremony for a couple of weeks from now. Holiday or no holiday, business could be worse …
Strange, perhaps, but that is typical of the flurry of activity that seems to accompany my modest holiday plans!
Mind you, if it’s going to bring me more work, maybe I should be taking more holidays!
