More Creative Ceremonies

People tend to enjoy creative ceremonies, even if they are sometimes a little suspicious of the unorthodox. Such rituals can help to differentiate the service from any other wedding and they can be meaningful, beautiful, spiritual and special.

I’d like to suggest four such ceremonies. As well as the rituals themselves, success depends on the explanation the civil celebrant offers in each case and also his/her manner and words.

1. Loving Cup

The couple can either combine white and red wine into one glass or goblet (or quaich) and drink from the resultant blush or simply drink the same beverage from the same glass. Of course, it doesn’t have to be wine.

Naturally, this represents the new unity of the couple

 

2. Unity Sand or Unity Candle

Another way of representing the two lives becoming one is a Unity ceremony.

The couple pour sand of different colour together into a container, so the colours merge. If the couple have young children, they could also be involved here, and their participation will symbolise unification of the families.

The Unity Candle works similarly. The couple light a taper each and then, together, the main candle. The mothers – or even children – could take part in this too..

3. Love Letter

Before the wedding, the couple write love letters to each other, which they will seal in an envelope.

During the wedding, they place their favourite drink or memorabilia along with the letters in a wine box. They seal the box and vow not to open it until the anniversary of their choice.

There is one exception: if their relationship becomes strained, then they can unseal the chest, consume the drink and read the letters. This should remind them why they fell in love and chose to be together in the first place.

4. First kiss, last kiss

Who gave each child their first kiss on earth? Their mother. Now the mothers can be invited up to give their child their last kiss as single people and thereby bless the union.

Your civil celebrant will have ideas for other ceremonies, but these four should give you a flavour of how your service can stand out. When people look back on your wedding, they will remember an unusual and beautiful ritual more than anything.

So will you.

Your Wedding Guide

Your Wedding Guide

An insuperable obstacle?

Planning a wedding is a pretty daunting prospect. You may just be lucky, and have wise advisors and experienced, understanding support. The chances are, though, that it’s new to you, and you’re going to have to do the best you can. You’ll have to make – and learn from – your own mistakes. Some may be expensive.

confused

An amazing solution

That sounds pretty grim. However, would you be prepared to spend about £5 to get a dependable, easy-to-follow guide?

If so, you have come to the right place!

As part of my role as civil celebrant, I frequently come across couples swimming in a sea of bewilderment and despair. There’s not a lot of help out there for them – although there is at least the option of an event planner. Naurally, these don’t come cheaply.

What if there was a guide that they could buy for ‘peanuts’, that would lead them gently and securely towards the Eldorado of a successful wedding? Towards a unique, memorable and meaningful day? That would offer them great ideas? Something that they could consult at every step of the way?

Well, look no further.

I am proud and excited to announce that I have put the proverbial pen to paper (except it’s all been done by computer, of course) and produced a handbook specifically aimed at helping couples get on their way with a minimum of fuss or difficulty. That’s not to say that there isn’t still hard work to be done, or time and money to expend. Of course, there is, but you can at least be sure that you are progressing, covering most eventualities and not going round in circles.

What areas are covered?

Some of the areas I look at include:

  • choice of ceremony and celebrant
  • the service: rituals, vows, music, etc.
  • ‘team’ roles
  • speeches
  • guests
  • children
  • same-sex weddings
  • hiring professionals
  • social media

I don’t pretend to have something for absolutely everyone (budgets, as well as taste, will vary enormously), but I am convinced that there is so much in the wedding guide for everyone (from first-timers to wedding planners!).

I am delighted to be the one to fill what seems to be a huge gap in the market.

If you know somebody who might benefit from this handbook, please put them in touch with me. It’s easy to buy: just click here, and you’ll be through to Amazon.

I am not actually anticipating a million-seller block-buster, but I am really excited to be offering practical help to couples, so that they can have the wedding they are dreaming about!

Children and Ceremonies

They say that working with children is one of the riskiest things performers can do, as you can never predict children’s behaviour.

The same thing applies to formal ceremonies – weddings, vow renewals, etc.

One option is to make the event child-free, which is absolutely fine, so long as you make this clear on the invitations.

However, not everybody wants – or is able – to do this. So how can you reduce the risk of your ceremony being taken over by over-tired little Orville or attention-seeking Annette?

Here are some ideas.

If you can give them jobs – and show due appreciation afterwards – they will feel valued and will aim to please.

Possible jobs

At the ceremony

Children aged between 4 and 8 or so can serve as flower girls (or boys). One tip here is to make sure that their clothes are comfortable, so they do not become fidgety and, indeed, grumpy.

Older children (between, say, 8 and 14) can be pages or ladies-in-waiting. They may do errands (such as fetching a glass of water or passing messages) and will enjoy the responsibility.

Gift-attendants will suit 12-14-year-olds (assuming the event is big enough for this to be relevant). The children can simply watch over the gifts or possibly tag them with the name of the giver.

You may want a guest-book attendant. Provided that the child is reasonably outgoing, he or she can invite all the guests to sign the guest book. This will probably suit a friendly child over the age of about 14.

Ushers are always useful. Older children may do this best, but they can even have a little train of young ushers to look after. It’s nice if the youngsters can take adult guests by the hand and lead them to their seat!

At the Reception

Food and Drink

Work with the caterer to ensure there is kid-friendly fare out there. I’m personally all for a healthy diet, but on the odd occasion I think we can turn a blind eye. So bring on the chips, mini-burgers, cheese pies, spaghetti hoops, jam or peanut butter sandwiches, Pringles and the like! Provide juice (and if you serve it in goblet-like cups, the children can join in the toasting) and also still water.

Activities

Colouring books, sticker books, box decorating, fabric painting are usually popular with children. If you have a separate room for them, then they might be able to watch a video or even play games like bingo or musical chairs. They may need activity directors to organize these activities (pre-teens are often excellent at this).

Bubble-blowing is another popular option.

Finally, don’t forget to offer, if you can, a chill-out space.

Of course, you may be able to enlist the help of a parent or adult friend to supervise what goes on, or hire an entertainer such as a magician, but you might be surprised how successfully youngsters may run the show. And they come somewhat cheaper!

At any rate, the children will appreciate that they have been included in the adults’ celebration in such a way that they can feel useful and really enjoy themselves, and their behaviour should reflect this.

So everyone’s a winner!

Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.

The Interfaith Wedding

The Interfaith Wedding

Much of my work as a civil celebrant involves an interfaith wedding. Not long ago I read that 45% of Americans are intermarried. That includes 46% of mainline Protestants, 32% of Evangelical Protestants, 22% of Catholics and 44% of Jews. I’m sorry I don’t have the UK statistics, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the trend were not similar.

In any case, that means a lot of people are intermarrying.

So what do you have to think about if you are planning an interfaith wedding?

Disadvantages

One obvious problem can be the family (indeed, in my experience, this area can sometimes be very fraught!) .

Whether or not the family is bankrolling the wedding, and therefore ‘pulling the strings’, religion is a potential minefield. Even though the parents may not actually be all that committed church/synagogue-goers, they often have an absolute expectation of a traditional ceremony. So there’s immediately conflict and pressure on the couple.

The couple need to acknowledge and understand the disappointment that intermarriage might cause, and look for some compromise. An example might be that the father can still walk the bride down the ‘aisle’, even if the aisle isn’t actually in a religious building). However, the couple must not be bullied into doing what they do not want or believe.

Another thing the pair need to consider is eventual children, and the question of how (religiously) to bring them up. I don’t think there is any categorical guidance one can really give – it’s a decision for the couple alone, but they do have to be prepared to confront it.

Advantages

Being ‘put on the spot’ means that both partners will need to sort out their religious stance. They can learn about their partner’s customs, and this will help them create a meaningful wedding ceremony – and guide them in their future spiritual life together.

They will be able to work with their celebrant to agree on a service that is in accordance with their beliefs and desires. They can then include customs and traditional rituals from either religion as they choose – a kind of “edited highlights”, perhaps?

The couple can also select readings relevant to them and which underline their mutual love and willingness to make a commitment to each other. These personalised readings can lift the occasion far above the mundane.

Compromise

Parents can be reassured that any grandchildren will be taught about their religious background (even if they may not actively practise it), that they will visit for certain religious holidays, and that parents will be able – and welcome – to play a part in their grandchildren’s lives.

It may take time, but a beautiful interfaith wedding may actually bring the families together and pave the way to harmony.

 

Featured image: courtesy of Philippa Gedge

Wedding Traditions

Wedding traditions used to be so important to many people. However, things are certainly changing and there is far more freedom to improvise than there ever was.

Nonetheless, there is still a groundswell of tradition – or at least some sort of modified (‘new!’) tradition.

One of the joys of weddings today is that you can have a bespoke ceremony (cue: celebrant Michael!)  and choose how many – or few – of the traditions to incorporate.

The traditions go beyond the ceremony itself, of course, as they would include paper invitations for beforehand and thank-you notes for after.

I’m not certain how ‘traditional’ it is, but it is definitely diplomatic to include all the family in the ceremony, letting them know in advance what involvement (if any) they will be invited to have. It’s also wise to reserve seating for them at both the ceremony and reception.

Finance

‘New traditions’ would seem to involve the couple contributing towards (or paying for) the wedding. Despite some massive, showy weddings today, many are opting for smaller or destination weddings.

Some couples are asking for money or gift cards, rather than a wedding list, in their invitation, which I consider poor etiquette. There’s nothing wrong, however, with mentioning to people that they would appreciate donations for new bedroom furniture, say.

Manners

Also improper is the failure to send a thank-you note afterwards. These should go out (on paper!) within three months (although some say – unbelievably! – that a year is acceptable). Courtesy surely dictates that you acknowledge any present you have been given fairly promptly after the honeymoon.

Gifts do not have to be expensive – a thoughtful choice can fit the bill admirably. For second marriages, gift cards and cash are probably most useful.

The wedding

As far as the wedding itself is concerned, it might not be the father who walks the bride down the aisle – it could be the stepdad. Then, there is no obligation to use bridesmaids or ushers, and so on. If you do, and if the bride and groom process in, do they come in first or after? What music, if any, will be played? What readings will there be? Who will deliver these?

The answers to these questions will influence exactly how traditional the wedding will be. The celebrant can be a great help here. For more information, please see my article at https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1133

Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made life-cycle ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.