by Michael | Apr 25, 2017 | Blog
Have you ever seen wedding bloopers with your own eyes?
If you haven’t, don’t go thinking that things never go wrong at major events!
Don’t they – heck?!
If you haven’t seen any wedding bloopers for yourself, then you must have watched footage on YouTube or Harry Hill’s “You’ve Been Framed”. Grooms faint, children or dogs steal the show, the minister stuffs up, arguments break out, someone missed their cue critically … Of course, these tend to be extreme examples, but they do indeed happen.
However well-organised you are or how efficient the wedding planner may be (if you have one), there is a huge potential for things to go awry. Logistics are really not easy, especially if there are large numbers of guests involved.
Certain elements are particularly difficult to arrange, like the catering and serving, but misfortune can fly in from the least expected directions.
Who’d expect the bride’s father to get paralytically drunk? Who’d have expected that cloudburst that marooned some of the guests? What about the reverend who fell ill and couldn’t conduct the ceremony? Or the family member who made a scene because she disapproved of where she had been placed for the reception? How anticipate the ex who turned up uninvited and unannounced?
As a civil celebrant, I have obviously been part of many a ceremony, (although I don’t usually stay for the reception, so there may have been quite a few disasters that I have missed!). I have only personally experienced three occasions when things did not go at all as planned, so I guess I’m quite lucky.
Conflict of Interest
I arrived an hour early for an open-air wedding blessing in Enfield one Friday evening in August. The guests had arrived, the sun was shining, and all were looking forward to the 5 p.m. start. All? Well, not the Best Man.
It turned out that he had had to go to a job interview. It had gone on longer than expected and so he got stuck in rush hour traffic on the M25. We couldn’t start without him, so we had to wait until about 6.30.
Five minutes into the ceremony, after bride, groom and I been buzzed by a persistent wasp, the heavens opened … Oh, well ….
Too Much Responsibility
Joseph, the groom, had two jobs for the day, really. One was to get himself to the venue on time, and the other was to remember the rings. As his hotel was local to the venue, he could hardly fail to arrive in good time. And this proved to be the case. When I jokingly asked him if he had remembered the rings, the colour drained from his face … Oh, no! Hotfoot he went, back to his hotel!
Fashionably Late
Finally, I was standing with the groom, Jan, at the front, as we waited for the bride. It was very hot. We were all poised, in good time, expecting the bride. Time passed, and no sign of Carys. Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes elapsed. No word. People tried to contact her, but without success.
Jan, understandably, was getting nervous, if not positively concerned. I asked him if he wanted a glass of water, and he gratefully acceded. Leaving him, I went to the back of the hall and poured him out a glass. That was the precise moment that Carys chose to appear. Off she went, marching up the aisle, with yours truly in exactly the wrong place!
A slick shimmy round the side, and I was up at the front before Carys reached us, but it wasn’t a comfortable moment!
Things don’t always go the way you plan!
Next time you attend a ceremony, don’t be too hard on those involved in doing the organising! It’s not easy to put together all the strands that go to make up an event. Things do go wrong. What matters is how they are sorted out.
by Michael | Dec 13, 2016 | Blog
So you’ve got engaged – congratulations! But don’t sit back! It’s time to start the wedding count down.
There’s more to do than you’ll expect. To keep it as stress-free as possible, I recommend that you start planning at least a year before the event.
If you put things off, you’ll soon find that you’re under pressure – and possibly making the wrong decisions.
Don’t be impulsive, although you should go with your heart to quite a degree. Wherever possible, follow recommendations. Visit suppliers and certainly the venue, so you can get a feel for them. Take the opportunity to ask questions.
Here are some of the things to do:
As early as possible
- Fix your budget
- Decide on the type of ceremony you want (full religious; totally secular (Register Office); mainly religious, non-religious or part-religious (Civil Celebrant))
- Book your venue
- Book your florist, cakemaker, transport, caterers, musicians, entertainers, photographer/videographer
- Book your minister, registrar and, of course, civil celebrant.
- Draft a guest list
- Choose your team (bridesmaids, ushers and Best Man)
- Start looking for your wedding dress
- Organise wedding insurance
Six months before
- Buy your wedding rings
- Buy your bridal lingerie and shoes (and wear them for dress fittings)
- Book a hairdresser and make-up artist
- Choose outfits for the groom, best man and ushers
- Order your stationery
- Book your honeymoon – check passports are valid. Do you need any vaccinations?
Three months before
- Confirm ceremony details (including [celebrant] order of service and wedding music )
- Send out invitations and gift list
- Discuss menu and drinks with caterer
- Have initial dress fitting
- Buy gifts for Best Man, ushers and bridesmaids
- Plan your hen/stag parties
My next blog will take you through the month before your wedding, so don’t miss it! However, if you can’t wait, why not e-mail me and I’ll gladly send you my Wedding Countdown Checklist, which will tell you everything in one document?
by Michael | Nov 21, 2016 | Blog
So you’re not going down the church route for your wedding? Maybe you’re not sure about holding your ceremony in a restaurant or hotel? There’s good news! There are less traditional venues available, and they can be wonderful!
Whereas you might choose the Queen Mary II (if you have a large budget!) or The Shard, your back garden might lend itself perfectly to your event. You may prefer to hold the event up Mount Snowdon or in a local aquarium. The London Eye may beckon, or else the seashore. Perhaps a medieval barn. Maybe a foreign clime attracts …
I know of people who have celebrated a naturist wedding, held weddings underwater and even while abseiling down some monstrous crag. (Quite relieved that I didn’t get to conduct those, actually!)
The world is potentially your oyster!
Advantages
Freedom to choose a place that means something special to you is a reason to go a little less traditional. You may also like the opportunity to select a venue that reflects your personalities. That could be a prehistoric site, a barn or a battlefield for history buffs.
You will almost certainly be choosing premises that don’t hold a licence for weddings. What that means is that you will have to go to the register office to get legally married first. You can go down together (make an appointment first!), in jeans, with two witnesses and get legally married a day or two – or even an hour or so – before the ceremony of your choice. Then you can really relax and enjoy your ceremony. You are secure in the knowledge that the legal bits have been dealt with, and now it’s all about celebrating!
Disadvantages
Depending where you choose, you may have to organise most things yourself (or pay a wedding planner to do so). This may include arranging the catering and decorations, PA system, signage, entertainment. Then there’s the celebrant, photographer, florist, and the like, which you’d expect wherever you hold your event.
Outdoor ceremonies?
A lot of people like the idea of an outdoor venue. Yes, you have to take into account logistics and health and safety, but you can let yourself be bounded only by your imagination. Well, by practicality too.
You can select a place that really means something to you. For example, I have conducted ceremonies at Old Sarum (Iron Age castle), a canalside grove and at Stonehenge. The atmosphere was unique and made the event even more special, and that was where the couple absolutely wanted to be.
Things to consider
Don’t forget to ask permission from the relevant landowner before you start organising things.
Weather is going to be a major unpredictable factor, especially in Britain!
Considerations should include:
- availability of protection from the elements (sun, rain, cold and heat),
- accessibility (mud, car parking, signage to the relevant area, distance to the reception and arrangements for getting there),
- health and safety (no trailing wires),
- seating (for, at least, disabled guests),
- toilets,
- PA system,
- potential ambient noise,
- warning/inviting neighbours, etc.
- catering (including providing water on hot days).
So don’t go rushing into this without thinking it through. There can be nothing more magical than a beautiful ceremony in the most wonderful setting – but are you sure you can achieve the results you want?
Given time and sensible planning, you really can achieve your goals. Just be aware that it will call for hard work.
However, the rewards may be so stunning …
by Michael | Sep 13, 2016 | Blog
I consider myself so lucky that I am doing a job I absolutely love. (Maybe “paradise” is a wee bit strong, though!)
Bonuses
As a civil celebrant, I am privileged to be taken into the confidence of people. Obviously, these are often people I might never even have met otherwise. They talk openly to me. Sometimes I learn things close members of the family or friends don’t know. I spend time with them and work closely with many. They are often fascinating and lovely people (although no two visits are ever the same!). And, of course, I am there at the front with them on the big day, facilitating their event and supporting them.
It may surprise you that I bracket funerals and weddings (and other joyful occasions) together. However, in my work there are distinct similarities between them. I may have over a year to prepare a wedding (although I have been given as little as a few weeks!) A funeral normally has about a week’s incubation time.
In both cases, I need to visit/Skype the relevant people, ask the necessary questions, listen to them and their needs, send them drafts for approval, and create the ceremony that reflects their personalities and beliefs. But the time-frame is different.
Down side
There aren’t too many things I dislike about what I do, which is wonderful. However, I have refused two possible pieces of work.
In the first case, I was invited to quote for a naturist wedding. Since I believe in being as relaxed as possible on the day, as a priority is to put my clients at their ease, I felt it unwise to pursue this. Even as a professional public speaker, I think I might have felt too self-conscious!
Secondly, I was on an introductory Skype call with a certain Ashleigh in Essex. She was very sure what she wanted for her wedding. That’s fine – I am happy to share ideas and advice, but I am not offended if people go with a different vision. However, after a while I noticed a man in the background. I wondered if he could be the groom. Indeed, he was.
“Why don’t you invite Steve to join the call?” I asked.
This is what Ashleigh replied: “He’s having nothing to do with the wedding. He’ll just turn up on the day and do what I tell him to!”
I didn’t feel that there was much of a future working with Ashleigh!
My biggest regret
I do have a couple of regrets.
I missed out on a wedding between a delightful mixed-faith couple because one parent ruled that if the celebrant wasn’t ordained (which I am not), then she would boycott the wedding. (Sorry, whose wedding was it?!)
At one of my funerals, a particularly requested hymn was not played. Why not? Because the technician popped out briefly, and totally and utterly missed his cue! It something you can’t legislate for, but I felt we had let the family down.
I’ve always fancied a destination wedding ceremony. At last, I had an offer to conduct a (re-arranged) wedding in Ibiza. Sod’s Law prevailed because it now clashed with the only holiday I had booked for our family all year. I had to say “no”.
Achievement
What am I proud of?
Bringing joy, for one thing.
I’d like to think that my website testimonials page speaks eloquently. But at several funerals, I have been pleased to be told, “I don’t know if I should be saying this, but I really enjoyed it.”
I’m proud of serving people.
On one occasion, a daughter didn’t want a funeral for her, shall we say, “difficult” father. I suggested that she should do as she felt fit. I implied that it might be worth going through with it. She wouldn’t be able to turn back the clock later, if she regretted having opposed it now. In the event, she agreed to it and was able to release much emotion. Her gratitude afterwards was very moving and also satisfying.
Oh, I do have one more regret: I only wish I had found out sooner about my path to paradise!
by Michael | Aug 2, 2016 | Blog
If you’re the bride or groom, all eyes are going to be on you on the big day. It’s normal. You’re almost guaranteed to be nervous – and that’s also normal. But what if you’ve got to recite your own vows too? And what if they’re vows you’ve written yourselves?
As if the whole thing is not already stressful enough, we’re dealing with emotive issues here.
Wow! No wonder all but the most accomplished and experienced public-speakers feel deterred!
Fortunately, although some adrenaline is inevitable and actually healthy, the terror can be removed relatively simply.
Writing the Vows
The secret lies in good preparation, starting with the vows themselves.
Don’t feel you have to write pages and pages. As long as what you say is sincere, a couple of sentences might well suffice. I’ve heard some beautiful vows that have lasted just half a minute or so.
That isn’t to say that writing vows that last 30 seconds is easy. However, if you’re able to do this (and your civil celebrant will surely be willing to guide you), the effects can be wonderful.
Here is an example:
Sandy, you mean everything to me. You are my best friend. I know I can fall back on you in hard times, share a drink with you at any time, that you will make me feel better when I’m down, and share in my happiness when things are good. I promise to respect and care for you for the rest of my life. I know how blessed I am to be together with you. Thank you for being you.
If you feel that you’re short-changing your loved one because your vows seem rather short, you can always write a letter with expanded vows, hand it over, and it can be read privately later. A bonus love letter!
Reciting the Vows
Obviously, having short vows makes the recital a little less nerve-wracking.
However, you don’t need to rely on memory (in fact, it’s probably safer not to). That way, you’re not worrying about what you’re supposed to be saying. If you read from a card, you can be more relaxed, make eye contact with your beloved, and say it as if you mean it. (And you do!)
I would still recommend plenty of practice (aloud, and possibly in front of at least one other person). If you do practise, you may then be able to use your card or paper merely as a crutch, and avoid reading word-for-word.
As a last resort, you can give your civil celebrant your words to read, for you to repeat.
Presenting your Vows
You are saying these words to your beloved, and that is the person who absolutely has to be able to hear them. However, you may manage to speak slowly and to project your voice, then it would be wonderful if your guests can hear what you have to say.
The advantage of addressing your words directly to your paramour, however, is that you will be less conscious of your guests and better able and confident to say what you want to say.
You may choose to hold hands too, and that will give you support and extra confidence.
Confidence
In the majority of cases, if you follow the advice above, you will find reciting the vows something to relish, rather than dread.
But if you believe that this will not work for you, then it may be a good time to seek out a confidence coach. I do not usually single out suppliers in my blogs, but I have witnessed the results that Isobel can produce, and would urge you to go to her website www.intherighthands.co.uk and then have a chat with her.
Whether my advice is enough for you or you still want further help, be assured that the recital of vows is one of the highpoints of a wedding – and something you can (and will!) enjoy and never forget.
