When you buy a car, you usually know what features you will be getting. The same with most products. So when you’re booking a service like that of a civil celebrant, why should things be any different?
Misconceptions
However, not that many people really know what a celebrant does. For example, they assume that a civil celebrant and event planner are the same.
No! The event planner usually books and organises the venue and suppliers. The one thing they don’t do is to organise the ceremony itself. (That’s usually their only time out the whole day!)
The weight of the ceremony falls squarely on the shoulders of the civil celebrant.
A lot of people also assume that a civil celebrant is either a “vicar” or a humanist. An independent celebrant can be anything they want to be – the clue is in the word “independent”. They may be prepared to include religious elements despite their own personal belief, and the opposite may be true too.
So what does a civil celebrant do (apart from conducting the ceremony on the day)?
Behind the Scenes
There’s normally a discovery conversation to start the ball rolling. That way, the couple can see if they even want to work with the celebrant – and the reverse is true too! What is also important is to discuss the couple’s vision for their big day. If the celebrant feels they can’t achieve it or opposes or even ignores it, it ain’t goin’ ta work!
Assuming the Ts & Cs have been agreed and both will work together, the celebrant prepares a draft and e-mails it to the couple in due course. They will probably want some changes, and there’s some toing and froing to be expected before the final version is agreed.
That way, there are no unpleasant surprises on the day, and the couple get exactly what they want.
On the Day
The visible role of the celebrant comes into play on the wedding day. As for me, I like to arrive about an hour before the ceremony is due to start. I can check that everything is set up correctly and sort it, if not.
I nudge relevant people, such as Best Men (“have you got the rings?”) and make sure any Event Planner knows I’ve safely arrived. The same goes for the bride (where accessible) and groom. A lot of it is about putting their minds at ease. I also collaborate with musicians (do they have the same playlist as me?) and photographers (“who is standing where?”). I try and remind those in the bridal train to process in slowly and remind them where they should end up.
As for the half hour or so in the spotlight, that’s our big moment. As celebrant, I never forget that it is not about me, but about the couple standing with me. I conduct the ceremony in the tone we have already agreed – usually solemnly, in places, humorously, and welcoming in others. I facilitate the events calmly and clearly. Sometimes there’s the unexpected to deal with. Then I rely on my years of experience.
The important thing is to make the ceremony memorable, enjoyable, meaningful and special for all concerned.
Much of what goes towards making the ceremony so special happens in the days and months preceding the wedding, and that is what a civil celebrant can do for you!
Feel free to have a chat to find out about how you could put together your special ceremony.
It would be stating the absolutely obvious to claim that weddings are expensive! No arguments there, surely!
What is less obvious is spotting where you can save some money.
For example, areas where you may not need to spend so much could include your venue, the florist, the dressmaker, the photographer or the celebrant. We’ll look at each of these in a moment.
Obviously, every ceremony is different and no two couples are likely to have the same needs and dreams. So my comments will be more appropriate to some of you than to others! However, I may just be able to set you thinking.
In my work, I understand the importance of friendly, professional service. I am not suggesting that you avoid professional suppliers (unless that is your choice). For example, you can save money if you do not hire a professional caterer. You can arrange it all yourself, but it is likely to be a huge headache for you, and I wouldn’t advise it.
Venue
Venues normally need to be booked at least a year in advance. I speak in other blogs about how you might go about choosing a suitable one, but here’s how you may be able to cut some costs.
Don’t go for a day that is likely to have high demand (Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, high Summer). Similarly, if you don’t have your wedding in the evening, you may have some bargaining power with the venue. And you may be able to hold the ceremony and reception in one room or hall (with some time allowed in between for setting up).
Florist
Go for flowers that are in season and local. That can save you a surprising amount.
Dressmaker
Having your own dress may be very important, but it is possible to buy – or hire – some wonderful used dresses for nothing like the price of a new one.
Photographer
A dangerous one, this. A friend might be able to do this job. But will their enjoyment of your wedding be compromised? What if their results disappoint? Might your friendship be sacrificed consequently?
A professional photographer is likely to have functioning equipment and know what to do and how to do it. (That’s partly what you’re paying for!)
I price my services based on my expertise, and the amount of time and work I anticipate I will need to put in. Like many suppliers, I have a certain amount of flexibility. For example, I usually offer a reduction, if someone books me at a Wedding Fayre. In the case of a ceremony that I particularly want to do or a couple I particularly want to work with, I may offer a one-off price.
I do need to live and try to charge a fair price – but it doesn’t hurt to ask!
I hope this gives you a few practical ideas for saving money (there are many others I could have included) and that your wedding will cost you less than you thought!
People rarely have any idea what a civil celebrant actually does. The wonderful results don’t just come from a few minutes’ work! Or even a couple of hours.
There’s so much that goes on unseen – even before the “couple of hours” on the day.
The Day of the Ceremony
“On the day” is the visible part, although it includes travel time too.
So what else is included?
I always aim to arrive an hour or so before the ceremony start time. That factors in the unexpected. There could be severe traffic, for example, or road works.
When I reach my destination, I make contact with the groom (and bride, if possible) and, especially, any event planner. I want to see the place where the ceremony will take place, and check that everything we have ordered is prepared. There may also be a sound check, if appropriate.
I can put the groom’s mind at rest (and the bride’s too!) by my calm and cheerful efficiency. They are most likely to be highly nervous, and need distracting and, sometimes want guidance.
If possible, I get to see the best man (or equivalent) to check all is in order. I also do my best to reassure anybody in the bridal procession.
Obviously, I conduct the ceremony, which tends to last about 30-40 minutes. Once it’s over, unless I’m wanted for photos or whatever, I normally slip off.
Before the Day
From booking to delivery, you are tapping into the celebrant’s experience, training and personality. Not to mention, time and accessibility. And, eventually, writing, followed by presentation, skills.
When you book me, we’ll be working together to come up with a unique, tailor-made ceremony that fits with your vision, beliefs and wishes. You will be able to input your thoughts and preferences, so that the final version will have been totally approved by you. No unpleasant surprises!
No, it’s not just about that hour or so when I am visible!
To have a chat about working with me, please contact me.
One of the questions I am often asked is “how do I deal with a wedding supplier?”.
For many people, this is a new experience. What do you need to ask them? How do you decide between two (or more)? How do you know you’ll get what you want, once you’ve chosen?
First Steps
A reliable step is to ask around for personal recommendations. If someone you trust can recommend a supplier, that is a great start. However, what suits one person may not suit another, so more homework is advisable.
A glance or two at the supplier’s website may be useful, especially the testimonials. Those will give you an idea of the supplier’s strengths and you can match those up to your requirements.
Initial Contact
Once you’ve narrowed down your choices, phone or meet with the supplier. The questions you ask will depend, according to the product or service you are seeking, and according to your personal inclinations.
Questions
Things you definitely need to know are:
Are they available on your date?
How much they will charge (you may need to accept an estimate at this stage)
What precisely is included? As a celebrant, I quote for everything, once I know what is required, and my Ts & Cs make clear any extras that might exceptionally be charged
Terms & Conditions (especially, payment terms)
Cancellation policy
Interview
Some questions will be tailored to the particular supplier. For instance, you may ask a florist about a seasonal display or a caterer whether they can offer vegan alternatives. If you’re hiring a dress, when do you need to return it, and what happens if it is dirtied? Will the planner attend in person, or will they send a deputy? Can the celebrant stay for photos, if required? What formal photographs (if any) will the photographer want to line up? Will the venue provide a sound system?
You may well have your vision for the ceremony or, indeed, whole day. Does the supplier listen to you when you explain it, or will they do only what they think fit? Do they inspire you with confidence and trust?
If they are a little pricey, but you like them, go for them. You may be able to cut back a little elsewhere to allow for this. If they seem pleasant and professional, that is a good combination.
Conclusion
So take your time, and do your due diligence. After all, you’re going to want to get your big day just right! If in doubt, go back to or call the supplier and clarify the situation. Make sure they understand what you want, and you should be able to book with confidence.
You can still reconfirm the week of the wedding, of course, but if you choose your suppliers carefully, there’ll be a lot less on your mind on the big day.
If you’re considering a personalised, unique ceremony, let’s have a chat.
Of course, you want your wedding to be a very special day!
It’s an important and (hopefully!) unique occasion; it’s natural to invite lots of friends and family to share your joy.
One thing you don’t want is to have to worry about suppliers on the day.
That definitely includes the venue. You may need recommendations to help you choose, and a personal visit is well-nigh essential, so you can judge the atmosphere for yourself. You have got to love the place and feel confidence in the staff, if you’re going to get married there.
I’ve conducted ceremonies at dozens of venues and most have something to commend them. I felt it could be useful to mention one in particular, which seems suitable for almost all kinds of events.
Shendish Manor (https://shendish-manor.com) is situated in Hertfordshire, not far from the Harry Potter Studios, though closer to Kings Langley. Just arriving there gives you an idea that it’s not like other places.
To access it, you go up a long drive surrounded by trees and, eventually, a golf course. The house, when you get there, is striking.
The Manor is actually Victorian, but very much up-to-date. It’s comfortable, with all the facilities you would expect from a classy hotel. Not least, lovely, comfortable bedrooms, fine dining, a super lounge area and free parking, to mention but a few.
If you fancy the outdoors, the Manor is set in 160 acres of parkland and formal gardens and boasts an 18-hole golf course.
But what about weddings?
There are banqueting suites of different sizes, depending on the numbers you are expecting. You don’t have to be confined indoors, if you don’t want to be. There’s a gazebo outside, licensed for civil ceremonies. Below is a view from the gazebo in summer.
Civil celebrant seen from Shendish Manor gazebo (in summer!)
I like the feel of the Manor and so, seemingly, do my clients. The atmosphere is warm, the surroundings beautiful, and the staff are professional, efficient and friendly. I always look forward to conducting a wedding, vow renewal, naming ceremony, or whatever, at Shendish.
It’s well worth coming to have a look round, and that may be enough to win you over. Have a chat with the events staff, if you still need convincing. Then, all you have to do is to book me to conduct the civil ceremony and we’ll all be very happy!
