Location, Location …

Location, Location …

Where to have your wedding? The location is obviously one of the first things that couples want to arrange. For one thing, the more popular venues may be booked up a year or more in advance. Secondly, the atmosphere of the wedding can largely be dictated by the sort of venue chosen, so it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

First considerations

Obvious things to consider are your budget. How much money do you want to devote to this? If you choose a less usual date or time of day, you may be able to secure the venue at a better price. Obviously, you will need estimates, possibly from several venues, before you commit.

The size of the venue is clearly important – you don’t want the wedding party engulfed in a huge area, but you certainly don’t want to be squashed together for the ceremony or reception. A preliminary visit, together with the events planner, is essential. Be prepared to ask lots of questions and be absolutely clear what the price actually includes.

Would you be intimidated by a castle setting, say, or do you want to push the boat out and go up the Shard or hire a Stately Home? Would something more homely suit?

And go with your gut. Is this a place where you feel you can be really happy?

Logistics

The next question is: are you going to want to have your reception at the same location as your ceremony? If not, you’ll need to think about the logistics. Will the party drive from the wedding venue to the reception? What about non-drivers? How long should you allow for this? Will your reception be spoilt, if it takes longer than you think to reach the venue? Is parking going to be an issue?

Unconventional Ceremonies

Naturally, the type of wedding you want will also dictate where you have it. If you are planning a handfasting wedding, then you’re probably going to have it in a field or at an Iron Age fort, for example. You’ll need to get permission from the landowner and you’ll have to decide what sort of reception you hold, if any – and where.

If you want a secular wedding, then the registrars have to be involved for the legal bit. If you want them to come out to a location of your choosing, it will have to have solid walls, for example (ie a marquee won’t do). So do your homework here.

If you don’t want a full religious service (eg church, synagogue, etc) but you want more than the routine register office ceremony, you can have the best of all worlds with a civil celebrant-led ceremony. Then you can have the service that you want in the location of your choice.

vow renewal

Civil Celebrant limitations

I am often asked what limits my availability, as regards location. Well, I can’t conduct a service in a C of E church, but that’s about it. Any other location – from hotels and restaurants to the Stonehenge inner circle, to a mountain top, a canalside, a back garden or underwater ( think creative!) – all these are technically available for wedding ceremonies.

Personal availablity

I live in Harrow, so I tend to work mostly in London, Herts. and Bucks., but I have conducted other ceremonies in Salisbury, Andover, Worthing , Epsom and the like. I guess that I haven’t been further afield because travel expenses inflate the fee. However, I was invited to conduct a wedding blessing in Ibiza last year – unfortunately, to my great regret, I had a clash of dates.

If you’re not planning to have your celebration in the South of England, don’t let it deter you from asking me for a quote. I’d love to help make your big day really special, wherever you choose. I can be surprisingly flexible!

Jumping the Broom

Jumping the Broom

You may be familiar with the photograph (above) on my website and in occasional blogs that shows newly-weds ‘jumping the broom’!

Well, somebody must have seen it, because yesterday the wedding, which included that ritual, was featured in the highly respected, award-winning, blog “Engaged and Ready”. That photo, along with several others – accompanied by an article by myself, let it be said! – was published, and I received this badge as a reward!

Engagedandready Badge

The piece was chosen because the wedding was a bit different, and getting hitched didn’t go entirely without a hitch! (ugh!)

The Story

Without spoiling your suspense, the piece is worth seeing in its entirety, not least because the photos are wonderful. However, there are a couple of reasons why the wedding stood out:

  1. The best man was (very) late
  2. We had to fight off a persistent wasp
  3. Quick-thinking saved the day (or the bride’s dress)

The Ritual

The most eye-catching part of the ceremony was probably jumping the broom. It’s a bit of fun, although there is something behind it, namely that it’s a symbol which represents sweeping out the old and bringing in the new, as the couple start their new lives together. Dave and Lucy didn’t want too serious a ceremony, so I had suggested this to them when we first discussed the service.

Initially, I held the broom up far too high (to see the reactions!) before lowering it right down (don’t want health and safety enforcers coming down on me!). As you will see from the blog pictures, the couple entered totally into the right spirit!

It was a glorious event (despite the obstacles that arose!) and is one of the favourite celebrations I have led. Lucy and Dave were lovely to work with and, in the end, everything went perfectly.

Now that I’ve (I hope) whetted your appetite, you can read the whole blog at the following link: http://www.engagedandready.com/a-summery-english-barn-ceremony-with-oodles-of-personal-touches/

Arranging an Outdoor Ceremony

Arranging an Outdoor Ceremony

Who’d have an outdoor ceremony? Especially in the UK!

In the past few weeks of so-called summer, London has enjoyed (if that’s the right word!) temperatures in the high 30s and also spells of torrential showers with maximum temperatures below 20 degrees. I guess I’m rather relieved that I didn’t have an outdoor ceremony to conduct in that period!

So does that mean that you shouldn’t even consider an al fresco ceremony?

The weather cannot be predicted in the UK – or virtually anywhere else, for that matter. (Let’s ignore the Atacama Desert, etc., for the purposes of this article.) So outside is always going to be a gamble. Is that a reason not to hold such a ceremony, then?

Advantages

  1. One reason to hold a ceremony outdoors is that you can save money. You still have to get permission and pay the appropriate fee (unless you’re using a back garden), but this may well cost less than booking a hotel or restaurant.
  2. You may have a particular attachment to a certain place – maybe you first met or got engaged there. One Vow Renewal I led took place beside a canal for the simple reason that the couple were canalboat addicts.
  3. If it all comes together, there is a wonderful, unique atmosphere about being outside, especially if the setting is special.

vow renewal

Precautions

Things can go wrong (indoors as well as out), but the main thing to prepare for when outdoors is the weather.

Every venue is different, but if you have a courtyard, say, with a portico, then that offers guests refuge from rain or strong sun. Job done! However, you will still have to consider protection for yourselves and the celebrant in the event of extreme conditions.

The bride will have to consider her footwear, if there’s heavy rain about, and her train, if she has one. Wind can play havoc with her hair, veil and dress.

Parasols or golf umbrellas may be worth investing in, if people are likely to be in exposed places for long. And if you actually get a hot and sunny day, then arrange for water to be available for guests and also for yourselves and your celebrant.

Finally, if the weather is likely to be really cold, then invest in some blankets, at least for older people.

One of the other things you will have to take into account is sound projection. Are you going to need a PA system? How big a ceremony is it likely to be? If you need a sound system, your civil celebrant or possibly whoever is providing music for later may be able to supply one, but you’ll have to investigate.

Some of the most enjoyable ceremonies I have officiated at have been outdoors, but I have not appreciated reading from my script beneath pouring rain! And as for being pursued by an aggressive wasp during the ceremony …!

More Creative Ceremonies

People tend to enjoy creative ceremonies, even if they are sometimes a little suspicious of the unorthodox. Such rituals can help to differentiate the service from any other wedding and they can be meaningful, beautiful, spiritual and special.

I’d like to suggest four such ceremonies. As well as the rituals themselves, success depends on the explanation the civil celebrant offers in each case and also his/her manner and words.

1. Loving Cup

The couple can either combine white and red wine into one glass or goblet (or quaich) and drink from the resultant blush or simply drink the same beverage from the same glass. Of course, it doesn’t have to be wine.

Naturally, this represents the new unity of the couple

 

2. Unity Sand or Unity Candle

Another way of representing the two lives becoming one is a Unity ceremony.

The couple pour sand of different colour together into a container, so the colours merge. If the couple have young children, they could also be involved here, and their participation will symbolise unification of the families.

The Unity Candle works similarly. The couple light a taper each and then, together, the main candle. The mothers – or even children – could take part in this too..

3. Love Letter

Before the wedding, the couple write love letters to each other, which they will seal in an envelope.

During the wedding, they place their favourite drink or memorabilia along with the letters in a wine box. They seal the box and vow not to open it until the anniversary of their choice.

There is one exception: if their relationship becomes strained, then they can unseal the chest, consume the drink and read the letters. This should remind them why they fell in love and chose to be together in the first place.

4. First kiss, last kiss

Who gave each child their first kiss on earth? Their mother. Now the mothers can be invited up to give their child their last kiss as single people and thereby bless the union.

Your civil celebrant will have ideas for other ceremonies, but these four should give you a flavour of how your service can stand out. When people look back on your wedding, they will remember an unusual and beautiful ritual more than anything.

So will you.

Location, Location …

Creative Ceremonies

In my experience, most couples – especially the men! – don’t really know what can go into their wedding service. There are exceptions, of course, but most people have enough trouble accepting that there are alternatives to either a full religious church service or the somewhat sterile register office ceremony.

Creative ceremonies are very much a possibility, and all you actually need to ensure is that the legal formalities are catered for.

What do I mean by “creative”? Well, how long is a piece of string?

To begin with, do you plan to hold the ceremony indoors or out? How conventional do you want it? Do you want it under the sea? In a plane? Up a mountain? In a back garden? They’re all possible.

To speak fairly generally, you can hold a fairly traditional ceremony that, to all intents and purposes, looks like the wedding my grandparents would have expected (except that it might not be held in a religious edifice).

You may opt for a pagan ceremony. A handfasting will invoke nature blessings and can be most exciting.

Then there are various gradations of religiosity. You could have a few prayers and blessings, some originating from other liturgies or cultures, and of course it might be a humanist-type wedding, with no religious words at all.

A Civil Celebrant-led wedding can cover any degree of religiousness, but your choices don’t end there. There’s the language to be used (by that I mean formal or informal), there’s the music to be decided, what readings or poems will be used, and, indeed, whether you want friends or family participating.

Perhaps the element that differentiates weddings the most is the choice of ritual. I’d like to speak about this more next week, but just a few pointers as to what I am driving at.

Depending on personal beliefs and preferences, you can include rituals from your own or other religions. An East European ritual, for example, involves the couple being presented (usually by a mother) with a loaf of bread. They both bite into it simultaneously, and the person who gets more will supposedly be the head of the household!

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One of my favourite rituals normally comes at the end of the ceremony, is pagan, and can bring a smile to everyone’s face. It’s called “jumping the broom”, and the couple have to jump together over a besom. This symbolises sweeping out the old and bringing in the new, as they start their life together.

Some more suggestions will follow next week, but if you can’t wait till then, feel free to contact me!

Three Very Different Ceremonies

Three Very Different Ceremonies

I do appreciate that not everyone understands what I offer. Although there have been civil celebrants in this country for more than fifteen years to my knowledge, there is still widespread ignorance about our role and the benefits that we can provide.

To clarify things, I’d like to focus on three ceremonies I created and performed in the not-too-distant past. I’d like to think that these will shed light on what is on offer and even give you some food for thought.

Handfasting

Imagine holding an open-air wedding ceremony on an Iron Age hill-top fort!

That’s what Annie and Ross organised. They were an interesting pairing: she was pagan and he was half-Jewish. They asked me to put together a ceremony that would reflect both religions. A challenge I enjoyed rising to!

As soon as they had done the legal bit in Salisbury Register Office they, and their entourage, headed up the hill to where I, in my robes, and my table was awaiting them.

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After a welcome, explanations were offered before each ritual.

The Jewish part involved the bride circling the groom seven times while he read out certain traditional statements (in English) about a “woman of valour”. He also broke a glass underfoot at the end to the traditional cries of “Mazal tov!”.

The pagan parts included charging the circle, summoning the elements of nature, drawing down the God and Goddess, reciting handfasting vows, and drinking from the Loving Cup.

A very special occasion.

 

Canalside Vow Renewal

Another happy outdoor ceremony took place at Basingstoke Canal Centre.

C. and S. were celebrating 25 years of marriage and had invited friends and family to their beloved canalside location. It was hot and humid – indeed, it cannot be claimed that we remained totally dry, but nobody minded.

vow renewal

We convened in a grove with benches arranged in a semi-circle. I brought a table and unity candle and off we went. One highlight was the personal celebrant address, which touched on some of the events – happy and a few sad – over the thirty years the couple had known each other. Some favourite songs were played. A simple, cheerful, yet moving ceremony was the outcome.

 

Wedding Blessing

A completely different setting was the prestigious British Medical Association House in the heart of London. The couple had requested the legal ceremony (with the registrars) before my turn came to bless them. In contrast to the formality of the first part, this was more relaxed and although some beautiful, memorable words were spoken, smiles and even laughter were an integral part of the proceedings (even before the wine in the Loving Cup was shared!) and all went away to the reception more than satisfied with the formalities.

I hope this gives a flavour of the variety of ceremony that a Civil Celebrant can offer. I would certainly be happy to answer any questions this article may give rise to.