by Michael | Nov 30, 2015 | Blog
People often assume that – apart from about a week’s turnaround for a funeral – I always have loads of time to prepare for a ceremony.
I was reminded of that only yesterday when I was approached to do a wedding blessing in nine days’ time!
That in turn reminded me of a bright July day. My family and I were leaving to go on holiday abroad. Our bags were actually on the doorstep when the phone rang. I was tempted to ignore the call, but my wife decided to take it.
It turned out that it was the daughter of a man who had (re)married last year. He had then suffered a massive heart attack and not worked since. His wife, Aretha [not her real name] had nursed him back to health, as well as earning an income. Now he was well again, they wanted to have the wedding party they had never had. He is C of E and she is Catholic, so they wanted their new rings blessed, which is where I came in.
The problem was that they were giving me all of eight days’ notice! (I could not work while I was away and I would only be returning late the evening before the event, so it would be asking quite a lot to prepare a ceremony properly in, effectively, a couple of hours.) I explained this to them and said that, if they could not find another celebrant (I passed a name on to them), I would do it for them, provided I had an e-mail waiting for me on my return.
In the event, there was no e-mail, and, as I was free that Saturday, I went out till about 1.30 p.m. When I came back, there was a message for me, asking me to contact the husband on his mobile after 2 p.m. The job was on after all!
The plan was to surprise Aretha (who had done so much for the husband in the last year). I normally meet with clients in advance, find out exactly what they are looking for, compile the service, e-mail it across for their approval, and make any changes requested. This time, all I knew was the background to the ceremony and that they wanted ‘a little religion’.
There is a happy ending to this story. I managed to plan a ceremony (all of seven or eight minutes long!), and it turned out to be appropriate to a party, where none of the guests had an inkling about the ring blessing. There was a mixture of serious readings and humour that went down well. Aretha was moved to tears, the guests seemed to enjoy it (it was a new experience for them – AND it was not over-long!), and the family clearly appreciated it. A mad rush, perhaps, but it gave me (and, I trust all present) a feeling of real contentment.
Being a celebrant is never boring – and can be such a delight! Just don’t go telling me that it’s always relaxing!
Source of featured image: headstride.co.uk
by Michael | Nov 13, 2015 | Blog
About three years ago, I saw a blog by Michael Oliver which made a big impression. He’s not in my line of business. However, the article encapsulates one of the important philosophies of a business like mine. It’s not enough to make assumptions; it’s important to delve a bit deeper and find out how to really render service.
As a conscientious, professional civil celebrant, I like to give value, and listening is one of the most important things I can do, to help my clients have the ceremony of their dreams.
Here it is:
Do You REALLY Understand?
There is a story that a farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and nailed it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.
He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”
“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back off his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
“I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”
“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared this one noticeably smaller.
Down the ramp it slid.
Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up….
“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Do You Understand?
Do you make the effort to really understand the people you’re talking with… or are you like that well meaning but narrowly focused farmer, thinking conventionally and…
- Assuming your potential customers are looking for the same things as you and for the same reasons… instead of asking and finding out?
- Telling people what they should do, instead of getting the facts first and allowing them to tell YOU what they want?
- Interpreting everything based on your own life’s experiences and point of view, instead of first discovering theirs?
- Qualifying them based on your own rigid and fixed set of criteria, instead of being open to discovering far reaching potential possibilities?
- Judging people based only on what you think you see, instead of no judgment at all?
There is a happy ending to this story…
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
“How much?” asked the little boy.
“No charge”, answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”
The farmer was a quick learner!
About the Author
Michael Oliver is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker and author and the founder of Natural Selling, the only sales training program designed to really eliminate rejection and objections. Visit his blog and signup free to get blog updates by email, along with the latest news, free advice, additional resources, and a lot more! Go now to http://michaeloliver.com. While you’re at it, check out and get loads more.http://www.naturalselling.com.
Thank you, Michael, for making me – and perhaps some of my readers – stop and think!
by Michael | Nov 12, 2015 | Blog
A full religious wedding is not necessarily everyone’s choice – hence the relevance of civil celebrants such as myself! However, if you opt for a church wedding, you should get advice from your officiating priest, but you may still find the following helpful.
The prospect of your big day, especially if it really is to be big, can be pretty unnerving. Fun, exciting and wonderful – but unnerving. There are so many questions to be answered.
Let’s take first things first.
What happens at the Church?
Assuming you have chosen a Church wedding, you will need ushers (who should be the first to arrive, naturally). Traditionally, they should guide the bride’s family and friends to the left side of the altar and the groom’s to the right.
The groom and best man should arrive at least 15 minutes before the ceremony so the photographer can take a few shots before they enter the church (they will occupy the front right-hand pew).
Bridesmaids arrive about 10 minutes before the ceremony. Together with the bride’s mother (normally), they wait at the church door for the bride to arrive. (Another moment for the photographer?)
The bride, along with her father-to-be, will be greeted on arrival by the officiant. The photographer will certainly want to be in attendance here too!
Who goes where?
The bride’s father, family, and any relations and friends will have the officiant ahead of them on their right; obviously, the officiant will be ahead, but to the left, of the best man, groom’s family and selected relations and friends. The bride and groom, chief bridesmaid and bridesmaids will be central, facing the officiant in front of the altar.
Entry
The wedding train should process slowly (remarkably difficult to do!) to the altar, and the father hand his daughter to the groom before going to his place.
Exit
The bride and groom followed by bridesmaids (and/or pageboys) will lead out at the end of the ceremony. Behind them, on the left, will be the chief bridesmaid, bride’s mother and groom’s mother; on the right, the best man, groom’s father and bride’s father.
The above follows the traditional order and there may be room for a little flexibility.
If, for any reason, you are prevented from marrying in a church, remember that a civil celebrant can create and conduct a religious ceremony for you, which may turn out to be every bit as moving.
by Michael | Nov 12, 2015 | Blog
I’ve often been asked how I came to be a Civil Celebrant.
I never had any ambition to do such work. (In fact, three years ago I didn’t even know what one was!)
I only heard about it by chance.
If I’m absolutely honest, it all came about because I was interested in 400 prostitutes!
Now don’t get me wrong, please. I may be an active man, but not in the way you may be thinking!
I innocently went to hear a talk by somebody who had considerable experience with prostitutes. He had made a fortune many years back by selling answering machines to a niche market nobody had tapped before: prostitutes!
After the presentation, I had a chat with him, and it turned out that he was now a celebrant.
He told me that he helped people who wanted a ceremony that was bespoke – not formulaic. He worked with them to construct a ceremony that would mean the most to them (and, hopefully, their guests). It could be religious, semi-religious, non-religious – anything. It could be held anywhere – perhaps a licensed religious building, a hotel, a beach or a mountain top.
The ceremonies included weddings (straight or gay), vow renewals, naming blessings and handfastings. (Not to mention funerals.)
Anyway, as I listened to David, I got drawn in. This was something different, this was exciting, this was something I could do well (I have considerable experience as a public presenter) and something that would enable me to make a difference to others.
When could I start?!
Well, I trained late in 2012, and was sufficiently enthused that I then decided to train to become a funeral celebrant. I’m now almost three years down the celebrantt line, and loving it!
Who’d have thought that 400 prostitutes would have made such a difference in my life!
by Michael | Nov 11, 2015 | Blog
Weddings are meant to be happy, wonderful, unforgettable occasions. Of course, you want a harmonious wedding. It, almost inevitably, will bring stress in its wake, and this sometimes spills over into the big day (and even beyond).
Here are some things to look out for, to ensure that the wedding day remains unforgettable for the right reasons!
Money
Money can be one of the sources of stress – after all, weddings do not come cheap. Agree and set a budget from day one (and stick to it).
The family
Usually, conflict is family-based. It can be between parents and the couple, but it can also be between the fiancés. Sometimes, the conflicts are the result of deep-seated issues that should have surfaced and been resolved previously. Often, the subjects are very petty.
The wedding should be a time of peace and harmony. Try reason and compromise where conflict arises (although there may come a time when you have to put your foot down!).
Intolerance
Features such as jealousy or desire for the limelight can be powerful motives for unpleasantness. Strong personalities who are unable or unwilling to see, let alone accept, other people’s viewpoints can create all sorts of problems.
An example may be when someone will not accept the idea of a gay wedding. It may be possible to talk them round and, if you can get them to the ceremony, they may actually enjoy it!
Be prepared to offer someone who means a lot to you a special role (eg as a reader) so that they feel valued and will then be prepared to give ground elsewhere.
Targets
You also have to achieve a balancing act. If you have a limited budget, whom do you NOT invite? Have you got enough jobs to distribute (eg usher, etc.) and will anybody feel left out? Have you done the best you can with the seating plan?
Guests
It is not just the hosts who can be affected by finances; it may also be the guests. They may need to lay out to get to the wedding, to stay overnight, organise baby-sitting, buy special clothes and purchase a present for the newly-weds.
There may be things you can offer (eg crèche or activities to entertain the children) to ease the stress for those guests.
Grudges
The period of time surrounding a wedding is not the time to address resentment and grudges. Family and friends need to ensure that they have any personal issues in check that might possibly upset (or even poison) the atmosphere at the wedding. If possible, these difficulties should be aired in a different environment, in a civilised way.
Weddings are all about love and warmth.
As long as underlying tensions have been dealt with effectively, well before the big day, the couple, their families and the guests have every chance of enjoying a wonderful, inspiring and, yes, unforgettable wedding.
by Michael | Nov 11, 2015 | Blog
Weddings can cost as much as £25,000, depending on what you have in mind.
A good wedding planner will let you know from the start what you will be getting for your money; you pay for the service, but you should get peace of mind. It’s often cheaper to do it yourself piecemeal, but then it’s rather harder to keep tabs.
Whatever you choose, it pays to keep your wits about you, and avoid rip-offs.
Deposits
Because, by its nature, a wedding is usually planned over months, deposits may have to be paid up front. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, do your homework on the supplier before parting with your cash. Do you have any evidence that they are trustworthy? It’s not unknown for companies to take the money and run. Testimonials, while not foolproof, may give you a pointer. Also, how long has the company been trading? If it’s well-established, it probably won’t drop you and run.
Contracts
It does pay to read anything through before you sign (but how many of us do?!) If you’re dealing with a reputable trader, you probably won’t get ripped off. However, it’s no good claiming that you were “unaware” of deadlines, cancellation penalties etc. You must feel happy about the Ts & Cs BEFORE you sign. (If you really can’t handle it, get someone with some legal knowledge to help you understand what you’re agreeing to.)
The wedding car
Nothing new here, really. You must look for a reputable company that deals with weddings as a matter of course. If you can get personal recommendations, then follow these. If not, it may pay to visit the limousine company before you make up your mind. At least, that way you’ll know they do exist and are unlikely to leave you waiting at the kerb!
Wedding dresses
There are myriad sites on the internet which cater for brides-to-be (and their retinue). Will you be getting quality? Is that discounted dress actually going to look so good on the day? Again, you need to try and be sure that the company is reliable and bona fide. It may be worth dealing with known retailers (even though that peace of mind could work out quite expensive).
source: neliprahova.com
The photographer
Please be aware that you are taking a risk if you get your best friend to take the photos – for such a big event, you want a professional. You want a good one, so, before deciding, visit two or three and look at examples of their work and try and get testimonials for them.
Other ‘vital’ expenses
There are a host of other items that you might decide are worth paying for. Flowers, invitations, cake, decorations, entertainment, civil celebrant etc. are all quite normal. Prices for some of these can be inflated, so it is often good to shop around and compare quotes.
Sometimes, a ‘wedding’ cake will cost much more than a grand alternative that would do every bit as well. Flowers may be cheaper if they are in season at the time. Arrange a wedding in winter. Catering a morning wedding may work out considerably cheaper too. Be creative!
Naturally, to do all this research that I am suggesting is time-consuming, though necessary. Start in very good time. Your hard work will prove invaluable. Not only could you save money, but, more importantly, you could ensure a perfect day.
