by Michael | Nov 1, 2016 | Blog
It’s never easy to predict the weather, especially in this country. So does it make any sense to opt for a winter wedding?
The idea of driving through floods and snowdrifts just to get to a wedding doesn’t appeal. Then the photographer wants everybody to assemble outside for half an hour (seemingly) in a freezing gale. It’s not most people’s idea of fun. So why not forget about a winter wedding and opt for another season?
Weather
Autumn appears reasonably reliable nowadays. Spring can be beautiful, but is very unpredictable. Early June seems to feature heavy downpours, so could be a dangerous choice. Summer – well, have the last few British summers been glorious? (I somehow don’t think I need to answer my question!)
So to choose a winter wedding is not as ridiculous as it first may appear. Although it’s likely to be colder, there’s a fair chance you’ll stumble upon a beautiful, fresh sunny day for your wedding. And our winters (at least, in London) seem to be getting milder by the year.
Finally, to look on the bright side of the weather, if you happen to get a proper white wedding, imagine what those photos will look like!
Availability
An advantage of winter weddings is that more of your invited guests are going to be free to attend. Of course, you can’t rule out the skiers and the odd ones who opt for the Antipodes at this time. However, a wedding during the summer holidays is inevitably going to clash with family holidays, and limit the take-up.
By booking out of season (avoiding Valentine’s Day), you are more likely to get the venue of your choice. If you haven’t booked a year or two in advance, your only hope for your ideal venue may to book for the winter.
You are certainly more likely to find a celebrant available out of season. That may well apply to other suppliers.
Price
If you opt for the winter and are canny, you may be able to negotiate a discount with the venue and some of your suppliers. They will be glad to get bookings at a quiet time.
If you want to save still more money, consider a morning wedding (although bear in mind that those coming from far afield might have to make a very early start).
Not all suppliers will offer reductions. A florist may have trouble sourcing the flowers you want out of season, so their prices could actually be higher.
You can always try a bit of bargaining, and you never know what pleasant surprises may be awaiting you!
So give some thought to breaking the mould a bit. A winter wedding is a gamble (but so is a summer one!), but it could really pay dividends.
by Michael | Oct 25, 2016 | Blog
Are same-sex ceremonies actually so different from heterosexual ones?
They share the same obstacles and challenges – and rewards.
You may relish the process of preparing for your big day – or you may struggle with it. With the right preparations – however you may be celebrating it – your big day should be a delight, bursting with love, benevolence and happiness.
Sure, there are a few differences of detail, but the principles are the same or similar.
So let’s talk about weddings.
Challenges
- There can be nothing more challenging than your family! If they oppose your marriage, you can be in deep water, especially if they try to pressurise you.
- Choosing and obtaining the right suppliers is important, but can be difficult.
- Sorting out the invitations and venue can also be an interesting task!
Solutions
Let’s take a look at these, and see how we can deal with them.
Family
It may be that your family refuse to accept or recognise your partner. If you are closely attached to your family (they may even be paying for your wedding!), you may not want to make waves.
However, it is not they who will be living with your partner, but you! The ceremony is about you, not them. The bottom line is that it is your wedding and your big day. It is unfair for them to impose their choices upon you. Especially, for such an important event.
Of course, you should invite them to meet and get to know your partner, preferably informally. If the charm offensive doesn’t work, then think about asking your officiant to have a word. If it’s a religious ceremony, and your priest is already well-known to the family, then he may well start from a position of respect and can help smooth over the problems.
The ceremony itself may prove a sticking-point. You may not be allowed a religious service in a church, say. However, all is not lost because a civil celebrant can conduct a religious service all the same. Or a part-religious one. Or, indeed, a non-religious one. And because a civil ceremony is not formally structured, you can have your choice of participants, as well as readings, rituals and music.
You may be able to explain to, or show, the disapproving relative(s) that the service will in fact be spiritual, memorable and delightful. Better still, you may be able to invite them to read something (even of their choice!) at the event. That way, you can show how much you value them.
Suppliers
There’s nothing out of the ordinary to be said here, as your sexual orientation shouldn’t enter into it. You are likely to need catering, photography, flowers, a celebrant, a cake, maybe a limousine, entertainment (a magician, a DJ, a photo-booth etc.). There have been some recent, notorious cases of suppliers refusing to serve same-sex couples, but you can only feel pity for such intolerant people. Move on. There are plenty of others who will serve you excellently.
You need to take your time and do your research. Recommendation, websites, personal visits are all better than taking pot luck with Google. I have more advice on this subject in a blog: https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/how-to-avoid-wedding-rip-offs/
Venue
I have also written on this topic (please see https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/the-venue-of-your-dreams/), but here too you need to get in early, do your research and ensure, if possible, that you visit. The visit will allow you to get a feel for the atmosphere of the place. Crucially, you’ll be able to ask the event co-ordinator questions.
The jury is out on this one, but it may be worth checking that the venue has no problems with gay ceremonies.
The guests
The guest-list and (potential) table-plan is almost always a sticky issue for any wedding. Your budget must be adhered to and, most importantly, you and your partner must be in harmony over this. Ideally, so will your families (especially if they are bankrolling the event!). You may need to be very diplomatic …
Conclusion
So, in general, a same-sex and a heterosexual ceremony will differ very little. The officiant will need to check with the couple about the terms he/she will be using. Will it be “bride and bride” or “groom and groom”, and will the couple at the end be announced as “Mr & Mr X” or “Mrs and Mrs Y”? The wording of some of the readings may have to be changed, but, otherwise, a same-sex ceremony is basically the same as a heterosexual one.
Absolutely nobody needs to be put off from arranging a same-sex ceremony!
by Michael | Oct 18, 2016 | Blog
Hurrah for the rise of mixed-faith ceremonies!
People are beginning to realise that weddings, naming ceremonies, and even funerals, do not have to be confined to either the full religious or the totally secular. There really is a middle ground.
More and more people are marrying outside the church (or synagogue, temple etc.). In 2011, 59.3% of the population considered themselves Christian, which leaves a lot of people who don’t. Moreover, 25.1% professed no religion at all.
Did you know…?
Interestingly, only 30% of weddings in 2015 were celebrated in a place of worship. Of the remaining 70% who opted for a civil ceremony, some chose the register office, but most preferred approved premises. The latter mostly meant hotels (42.8%) followed (11.6%) by corporate and event spaces.
So people are voting with their feet, as it were.
Why the rise of part-religious ceremonies?
Of course, a number of churches will not marry a couple if they don’t comply with certain conditions. A divorcee may not marry in a Catholic church. So the only way these people can have a religious (or part- religious) service is to use a civil celebrant.
The same applies for people who may prefer a secular service, but who want to respect the wishes of parents, say. They’d therefore like a few (possibly, minimal!) religious elements.
In a similar way, some couples will choose to include a religious element or two as a gesture to guests who are religiously active.
More commonly, however, people of mixed faith may want to embrace and celebrate both their religions and cultures. A civil ceremony will allow just that.
Mixed-faith
I have been privileged to offer a number of couples the opportunity to pick the elements from two religions that they want to include and share. For example, we have had the bride circle the groom (multiple religions), the groom has stamped on a glass (Jewish) and both have “jumped the broom” or undergone handfasting ceremonies (pagan), and we have drunk from the Loving Cup (a variation of a Christian ritual).
So there are a goodly number of reasons why the trend for civil weddings (and celebrations) is rising.
To find out how I, as a civil celebrant, can help you, please get in touch with me for a non-obligation chat. I look forward to hearing from you.
Featured image courtesy of Philippa Gedge photography.
by Michael | Oct 11, 2016 | Blog
Not everybody wants a conventional wedding!
I’ve put together, and officiated at, a few unusual ceremonies – atop an Iron Age fort, a handfasting at Stonehenge, a house blessing , a (colour) green-themed funeral… However, I have not had the pleasure of conducting a ghoulish ceremony!
Of course, with Halloween approaching, my thoughts have turned to things that go bump in the night, the Undead and nasties in general. How about incorporating these into a wedding, say?
Would anyone actually want to adopt a Halloween theme for the biggest day of their life, though?
Not everyone, no, but evidently the answer is “yes”. It happens. Goth weddings are not uncommon. But why on earth (or under the earth?!) would you want to have a ghoulish theme?
A growing number of people nowadays don’t see a wedding as a solemn affair. They want to include humour (to reflect their own personality), their choice of music can be eclectic, to say the least. They want to choose their venue, and that might be quite way-out – under water, in a hot-air balloon, on a mountain top, wherever your imagination might take you.
A lot of people choose themes for their wedding. Often it’s Star Wars or Elvis. It can bring smiles to faces and is a peephole into the couple’s personalities. Why not extend it to the Dark Side, if that’s what turns the couple on?
The important thing to realise is that, when planning a wedding, you are not restricted to a religious church ceremony, say, if you don’t want it. You have a choice. If that choice is a little bit wacky, why shouldn’t it be? (I’ve also seen a bit of wackiness in funerals, so surely that is justified in happier occasions?)
So go with the flow, let your imagination be your guide (but check with your partner first!) and have a simply unforgettable ceremony!
by Michael | Oct 3, 2016 | Blog
Things do go wrong. Even at weddings. Even when you’ve done everything possible It’s just the nature of the thing. Everything may not run smoothly. S**t happens, as they say.
So what can you do about it?
When something goes wrong (through negligence), you may want to sue. I’m a civil celebrant, and not competent to comment in this area, so I’ll leave it to you to consult an expert, if you can’t resolve your issue amicably.
Of course, prevention is the best cure. If you start your planning early, and are diligent in your choices, you reduce the chances of catastrophe considerably.
The areas most likely to cause problems are:
Dresses; videos; photos; venues; flowers; rings; cars; make-up; catering; suits.
Suppliers
When choosing your suppliers, it pays to go by recommendation. However, this is not always available. You can look and see if there are complaints against your supplier. Search their name plus “complaints” on Google and see what comes up. It might be instructive.
Their fan page on Facebook may also tell you something. As may Twitter.
Otherwise, a meeting may help to reassure you (sometimes gut feelings are very helpful). Ask plenty of questions and watch out for any answers that don’t feel right.
Questions
When dealing with your suppliers, make sure you ask them:
- if they can guarantee delivery of your product on the desired day and time (or in a reasonable time-frame)
- if they can guarantee the product will be fit for its agreed use
- what back-up arrangements are there (and what are their terms for refunds?)
- what their full contact numbers are (e-mail, phone and emergency phone), especially for the big day
- what the payment and delivery terms actually are
It is wise to check terms and conditions before you pay the deposit. Go through these carefully (or get a well-disposed and intelligent friend to do this for you!).
Your Civil Celebrant
Although many UK Civil Celebrants may belong to an association that regulates their conduct (such as the Association of Independent Celebrants or the UK Society of Celebrants), there is currently no obligation to do so. In exceptional cases, they may not even have been trained (properly).
If you can’t get first-hand referrals or locate independent reviews, have a look at their website. There may be video evidence of their competence. Social media may help you get a picture of them. A face-to-face chat, a Skype conversation or, failing that, a phone call is a wonderful idea, because you will then get a feel for their personality. You need to trust your celebrant and have the sense that you will get on well with them.
As a civil celebrant, I believe in working professionally throughout (and with humour, when appropriate!).
Once I receive a deposit (usually £100) and your signed booking form, your date is secure and I start work shortly after. I always consult you, so that your needs are understood and met.
I aim to respond in reasonable time to enquiries etc., deal appropriately with any complaints – which I hope will never happen! – and work efficiently and effectively so that any ceremony I prepare meets (or exceeds) my client’s expectations. I aim to arrive on the day an hour before the scheduled start time, and promise to conduct any ceremony to the best of my ability.
Your side of the bargain
You have responsibilities to the supplier too.
- Make sure you pay your deposit and/or balance on time
- Respond to e-mails/calls in a timely manner
- Don’t leave it to the last minute to make demands or changes
- You have a share in ensuring that your relationship is a civil and pleasant one
If you are careful and start planning early, you can significantly reduce the risk of things going wrong – perhaps, not quite to zero, but very low. And you can also be pleased with yourself that you have done all that you can.
Good luck with it all!
by Michael | Sep 27, 2016 | Blog
Recently, I wrote about crucial decisions that affected wedding planning. I’d now like to look at life-or-death decisions.
By that I mean decisions relating to death.
It’s an understatement, but when someone dies, it can be an extremely difficult time for those left behind. Obviously, just as relationships differ, so will reactions. Many people will be experiencing emotions such as shock, anger, grief or confusion. It is at just such a time, when they’re at their lowest ebb, that they are expected to deal with the funeral (and, potentially, probate or a contested will, etc).
First Steps
In most cases, help is available. The GP or hospital doctor who signs the death certificate will normally direct you to your next port of call. This is often the Town Hall, where there is more paperwork waiting for you before the death can be registered.
Some Councils (have a look on Google) offer a package that covers everything in one place, and that can make things much easier.
Funeral Directors can normally give advice and guidance.
Funeral
Registering the death is a legal obligation. A lot of people may be surprised to learn that a funeral is not.
Most people will choose to have a funeral. This may be through choice,or because it’s ‘the done thing’. It may well be in order to achieve closure via a ceremony. You can actually – subject to certain legal regulations – bury your loved one in your garden, if you so choose. The point is that you don’t need to have anything done beyond disposing lawfully of the body. This may certainly save on Funeral Director fees, which can be really quite high.
Questions
Nonetheless, most will go with a funeral. Of course, you have to decide on a burial (standard or woodland?) or a cremation. The deceased may have left instructions. You may have strong feelings.
How big and grand do you want the funeral to be? What about the wake?
Fully, partly or not religious?
Another fallacy is that the funeral has to be fully religious. Or else, humanist.
What if the deceased totally rejected religion? What if the surviving family does? What if the deceased was agnostic? What if the family is of mixed religious faiths? In such cases, there is real scope for a civil celebrant.
A civil celebrant will visit the family and discuss the possibilities. They will be able to advise and offer suggestions. They will usually aim to make the service a celebration of life (although it will probably include serious and affecting readings and moments). The service will be tailored to your exact requirements and wishes.
Lots of issues to consider, but, as I’ve suggested, help is at hand.
I acknowledge that this article only scratches the surface of the life-or-death decisions, but I hope it raises questions that you may be glad you have faced.
