by Michael | Sep 12, 2017 | Blog
Destination weddings sound fairy-tale, and tend to be fabulous. Most of us can only dream of one. They are mostly for the very rich only.
Actually, the “average” ceremony may have the same elements as a foreign one, but will probably be less ambitious and cost a lot less.
However, one thing that unites a more modest and a destination wedding is the ceremony. Whether religious, part-religious or secular, somebody will have to be hired to officiate.
I was lucky enough to be the civil celebrant at a Cyprus wedding a couple of weeks ago.
So how was that wedding different from the ones I usually tend to be associated with?
Same old, same old …?
In terms of preparing the ceremony, I worked with the couple as I normally would. We had a preliminary meeting, and I found out what sort of ceremony they were looking for and we exchanged ideas. Some of these would gradually be refined, but now we had the skeleton to start the process off.
Over the months, we exchanged some calls and texts, but the main business was an exchange of e-mails making amendments to the initial draft. We settled on a final text (well, almost “final”!) in good time.
Partly because of rehearsal time, we kept in more frequent touch in the last month.
On the day, I arrived an hour before the start time. I made contact with the relevant people (eg event planner, groom, etc.), a microphone was strapped on to me. Otherwise, it was just waiting around until the “off”. One unusual requirement was for me to read some Russian. Otherwise, the actual ceremony, though beautiful, was not really out of the ordinary.
(No photos of the ceremony because I had to sign a confidentiality agreement!)
Differences
The ceremony stood out, however, because of the setting and the astonishing floral decoration. Moreover, the entire 5-star hotel had been taken over by the wedding party, so eating, drinking, the ceremony and canapés, and the entertainment all took place in different parts of the beautiful hotel.
Hotel Anassa
Obviously, the fact that I was flown out, fed and accommodated for a couple of days was different from conducting a wedding in Harrow. (I didn’t stay at the 5-star hotel, tragically – though I was given a studio in a 3-star hotel, which, I confess, was more than acceptable!)
So why a “destination wedding”?
Is it worth paying a vast amount, when a destination wedding (in most cases) gets you the same basic elements as many an “ordinary” wedding will offer? You end up with a similar ceremony, maybe canapés, a meal and drinks, flowers, caterers, entertainers, etc.
However, the extra cash should provide peace of mind (with a professional wedding planner to do the big tasks and also look after hiccups) and quality – whether of venue, food, supplier or whatever. And this will make a difference.
My own small experience of destination weddings has left me more than willing to head out and conduct more!
by Michael | Aug 31, 2017 | Blog
As a civil celebrant, I am something of a luddite. I don’t really ‘do’ technology.
However, I admit to using scheduling. Thanks to this miracle, this post has been written a few days ago and is being published automatically. I needed to do this because today (‘today’ in the future, not in the present, you understand!) I am flying to Cyprus.
Regrettably, it is not for a holiday, although, if I get the opportunity to enjoy myself, I shall be prepared to do so. Rather, it is to work.
I am being flown over to conduct a wedding in a five star hotel tomorrow.
What could be better?
Here is a glimpse of paradise that awaits:
Not all sunshine, seaside and swimming
I have some reservations, though.
As I write, I am having to fit in quite a lot of work that needs to be done by the time I get back, and that, frankly, is putting me under a fair bit of pressure.
I have never been to Cyprus, so am dependent on others for actually finding the venue in good time.
It is an open-air site (overlooking the shore!), but I burn readily, so am concerned about the sun and heat.
I am being paid to work for one day, but (and this is my fault for not thinking it through) I am going to miss two days’ potential work, as I’ll be spending them travelling to and from the island.
I shall miss my family, although it is for three days only (and there are such things as e-mails and texts, even in Cyprus! I may be a luddite, but I can usually manage those!).
I am being taken slomewhat out of my comfort zone with this.
Poor thing!
In case you are feeling too sorry for me, I have to point out the following:
I have been selected and paid to go on a trip to what looks to be a fabulous destination.
To go out of my comfort zone means that I shall be challenging myself, and there’s nothing like challenge to aid self-development.
I shall be part of two families’ big, big day, and feel very privileged. I hope to add a dash of sparkle to them and all their guests, and make their day unforgettable.
On a practical level, I am bringing a panama hat, so can protect myself from the sun!
On a business level, I hope to impress and gain referrals.
When all’s said and done, I realise that I have a lot more to gain than to lose.
So I’m just going to have to put up with being part of a high society wedding in a 5-star hotel in a superb location. (Well, someone has to do it!)
It’s nice that there are some perks to the (not always glamorous) job of being a civil celebrant!
by Michael | Aug 29, 2017 | Blog
You don’t expect things to go wrong at a funeral, do you? After all, everybody goes to great lengths to ensure that things go smoothly. Funeral Directors put themselves out to ensure that needs are met. The staff they use (celebrants, crematorium staff, etc.) are professional, dedicated people.
So you have every right to expect a fitting funeral service.
And, to be fair, you usually get one.
But crematoria have machinery. And, even more significantly, funerals involve human beings. With the best will in the world, things that involve such variables can go wrong.
Sorting out a difficult situation
Last Sunday, I was booked to conduct a funeral at Golders Green Crematorium. As is my custom, I arrived about an hour early. I soon received a phone call from the Funeral Director. The power supply at the Crematorium had been cut. They could supply no music and the coffin would not be able to pass into the cremator.
Somehow, at such short notice, a switch was arranged. The venue became St Marylebone, East Finchley, a few miles away. Two Golders Green staff transferred across, as the ‘home team’ doesn’t work on Sundays. One staff member would operate the cremator at the end of the service and the other would assist with the music and getting people in and out of the chapel.
When we arrived, someone realised that flowers had originally been sent to Golders Green, and were still there! The only way to retrieve them was for the chapel assistant to start the music, shoot back to Golders Green, collect the flowers and return in time for the final piece of music about half an hour later!
It didn’t quite work! Traffic! Luckily, the Funeral Director had been briefed and was able to play the music at the end (and the assistant arrived with the flowers only a few minutes later).
Most people had no idea what had been going on behind the scenes!
A glaring blunder
Sometimes people can’t help but notice that something has gone wrong!
A little bizarrely, a family had asked for us to include a rather unusual and quite difficult hymn that they didn’t themselves know. There would be an organist, but then hymn was so unfamiliar that I felt I couldn’t lead it. Moreover, most of the guests wouldn’t know it and be able to join in. Potentially embarrassing.
So it was decided to play a CD of the hymn, and we might be able to join in with that.
On the day, I went through the service in advance with the crematorium assistant, so that he’d know what music to play, and when. He’s been working there 25 years now, and really knows his stuff, so I had no concerns there.
When it came to the hymn, I asked people to stand and join in and waited for the music to start. Nothing happened. I therefore announced it again and waited. Nothing. So I had to move on, apologising for what I assumed was a technical fault. As we rose for the exit music, the hymn suddenly sounded!
What had happened?
The assistant had simply forgotten that the hymn was to be cued up by him (rather than played on the organ), and had gone out (to show the Funeral Director where the flowers would be taken at the end).
Who could have predicted that?!
Fortunately, out of the 125 funerals I have so far conducted, those two incidents were the only times that things didn’t go as smoothly as we would have liked!
by Michael | Aug 22, 2017 | Blog
If the title has brought you here and you’re expecting practical advice about choosing your wedding venue, you may be disappointed!
It’s not the practicalities that I want to address in this piece, but imagination.
So if you want to learn about how to deal with venues, you may be better advised to read this article
Otherwise, stay here. This may indeed help you choose a venue, but I want to take you with me in dreams – and who knows where that may lead!
Why hold a ceremony at all?
Of course, a ceremony should mark a person’s particular milestone (be it, birthday, wedding, naming, vow renewal, or whatever). It’s an opportunity for others to take time out and show that the person in the spotlight really means a lot to them.
It’s an opportunity for the host/hostess to invite the people who truly matter to them to be present at a significant time in their life.
I don’t see the point, then, in holding a dull, unexceptional ceremony. You might as well have one that’s outstanding and memorable. Now, as a civil celebrant, part of my work is to make your ceremony unique. I can certainly contribute!
However, another component that is important to making the event stand out is the venue.
A gamble?
A wonderful setting for a handfasting!Those of you who have been with me over several years may remember a handfasting I did on Old Sarum, an Iron Age fort overlooking Salisbury. It was January, the site was totally exposed, and it was one of the wettest winters on record. I was up there (including preparation time) for over two hours; the guests for some fifty minutes. What if it had rained the way it did as I drove there a few hours previously? Or as it did, accompanied by thunder and lightning, when I drove back? The ceremony could have been a disaster! A complete wash-out!
As it was, we had a mild day for January and even a few minutes of sunshine. The atmosphere of the ruins and location and, indeed, the skies, was something quite special, and I don’t believe any of those there will ever forget that ceremony!
It was a gamble well worth taking!
Magic
Money has to enter into it, naturally, but, if you can stretch to it, there are some remarkable venues available. I’m going to speak about just one, but you don’t need to keep your imagination bound. A pod on the London Eye can be hired; a ceremony can be held for you at Stonehenge (or Old Sarum); what about under the sea, on a beach, in a forest, up a mountain or beside a canal?
Any of these may have an atmosphere like nowhere else, and fit with your personality and passions.
I was recently asked to conduct a wedding at Castle Goring, near Worthing. I had never heard of the castle, and, as it turned out, because the signposting was very poor, I nearly missed the place altogether!
However, what a treat it was! Set amid quiet, beautiful grounds, it looked like a castle should.
Moreover, our ceremony was to take place outdoors (and the sun shone!). The setting proved to be fabulous. I can vouch that the interior was magnificent too.
If I’m honest, I think I did a very good job that day – but thanks to the setting and ambiance, I could hardly go wrong!
Advice
So visit a few venues, with a list of questions. Of course, the ‘boring bits’ need to be addressed, but what matters most about your visit is what your heart is telling you. If you know it’s the right place, then don’t hesitate!
For any help with venues, or anything connected with the ceremony, please contact me!
by Michael | Aug 9, 2017 | Blog
A Civil Celebrant rarely experiences monotony or predictability. There’s no certainty where the next piece of work is coming from. There’s no knowing what the client may demand!
I thought it might be of interest to you, my readers, to give you an idea what I was up a week or so ago. (I was going to aim at “a typical week”, but actually there’s no such thing!)
It looked like it was going to be a relatively quiet week.
Monday kicked off with a visit to St Pancras to see my son off on a continental holiday. (An advantage of being self-employed!) Then back to desk-work to confront a number of admin jobs I have been putting off!). However, the phone rang twice, and I found myself booked for two funerals next week.
I went to see the first client on Tuesday. She was a lovely elderly lady, who had lost her husband, and she was most helpful. However, unusually, she was not on the internet, so I would have to come back the next day to drop off my draft service.
I also had a lengthy call with a couple in Bournemouth (they were cousins of the deceased, and virtual next-of-kin).
For the rest of the day, I was composing funeral services!
On Wednesday, I sent out notes to clients: one was a reminder for a couple getting married in two weeks, but who hadn’t yet commented on my draft ceremony! Another was some final information concerning Sunday’s wedding.
After breakfast networking, I composed the third funeral (Bournemouth) and sent that off. I also responded to a wedding enquiry.
On Thursday, I was booked to speak at a breakfast networking meeting some 50 miles away. This meant a 6.00 a.m. departure, but it was worthwhile, as the talk went down very well and I got a couple of potential enquiries.
I came back around noon, and had to liaise with a Funeral Director about one of the funerals, which was proving slightly complicated logistically.
After a scheduled visit to the dentist, it was time to do an hour’s social media work, followed by a blog.
On Friday, it was time to follow up on the contacts I had made the previous day. Next, a 1-2-1 call with somebody I had met networking. A visit to a couple of Funeral Directors was on the agenda too. Finally, a call from a bride to discuss details about her wedding in a week or so. One other thing: down to Paddington to collect my son!
Saturday was a day off, and Sunday afternoon a wedding to conduct.
Do you see what I mean about no monotony or predictability?!
by Michael | Aug 8, 2017 | Blog
Let me not mislead you! “Marriage mishaps” do not mean marriages that break down. Rather, I am referring to mishaps that occur at weddings.
A few examples
The idea for this blog came yesterday, when I arrived an hour early to conduct a wedding in Enfield. Smoke was billowing from a courtyard at the venue, and the fire brigade had to be summoned. Obviously, nobody was allowed into the building, which potentially affected my preparations, as well as the caterers’ and sound operator’s etc.
The firemen were soon on the scene. (Fortunately, nobody was injured and minimal damage incurred.) However, it was almost time for the ceremony to begin before they cleared us to enter. I had started making arrangements for an impromptu open-air ceremony (it was a lovely afternoon), but I wasn’t sure how well older people would react, if there were no chairs available.
Fortunately, it never came to that.
Have I witnessed other mishaps in my four year plus career as a celebrant?
I’ve probably been lucky, but I can only think of two real misadventures.
One came when the Best Man had to attend a job interview, and then got caught in serious traffic on the M25. Explanations were offered, and most people were not averse to having a drink or two earlier than they had bargained for! No real hardship there, even though we started 1.5 hours late!
I don’t really count this, but the bride came late to a wedding in Brixton. Nothing new, surely? However, apparently she was punctual to a fault. Her driver had got lost, and, and could not be contacted (broadband problems). The groom was beginning to sweat, as he believed he was being dumped at the altar, but madam burst in about half an hour late.
Otherwise, at one of my first weddings, the groom turned up very early (as did I). When I asked in a jocular fashion whether he had brought the rings, he turned pale. He had forgotten them in his hotel!
Luckily, the hotel was nearby and, partly because the bride would arrive late, he was able to retrieve the rings on time, and the day was saved!
Prevention
How do you prevent mishaps at a wedding?
Well, of course, like anything else, oversights or plain bad luck can be rife. No one can guarantee a smooth, flawless ceremony, even if the best wedding planner in the world is working for you.
However, you can minimise risk. Preparation is key.
Whether you use a wedding planner or are organising things yourself, start well in advance. It’s also worth confirming all the suppliers (venue, civil celebrant, caterers, florist, photographer, etc.) and even those in the bridal party. Do this a week to ten days before the big day, so there’s time to iron problems out.
If you’ve chosen your suppliers carefully (and I have often blogged about this), you should be safe, even though human error or acts of God cannot be ruled out entirely.
However, these mishaps tend to be the exception, rather than the rule, so don’t worry about them! If you have a professional looking after the arrangements (such a wedding planner or civil celebrant), then things can usually be smoothed out quickly and with a smile.
But, even if things go wrong, most people will be on your side, and not gunning to criticise you!
Relax and enjoy!
