Rituals

Rituals

Rituals can add dramatically to the atmosphere and spirituality of a ceremony. As a civil celebrant, I am often asked for suggestions as to items that can enhance the service.

I am going to leave out religious rituals, although I do readily incorporate some, especially in mixed-faith services. For one thing, there are rather a lot of religions to mention, and I only have a few hundred words at my disposal!

There is a whole range of rituals that may appeal, so, although I’m only covering a few here, please be aware that the list is by no means exhaustive.

Moreover, there are variants to most of the rituals, so there may not be a ‘right or wrong’ way of doing them.

Handfasting

Probably my most requested ritual is handfasting. You may not know that the expression “tying the knot” is derived from this. The couple take each other’s hands, left to left and right to right. To the accompaniment of suitable words, the celebrant knots the couple’s chosen ribbons or cords (often in an infinity sign).

The couple are soon released, but take home the knotted ribbon as a reminder of what they promised each other on the day.

A handfasting can be part of a full pagan ceremony, but it may just be a brief – but beautiful and meaningful – section of the service.

Unity Rituals

The Loving Cup (or “Quaich”) is another popular inclusion. Very simply, it is a goblet (usually with some wine in – not too much!) which bride and groom both drink from, one handing the goblet to the other in turn. It symbolises unity, of course.

An alternative is a sand ceremony. This is where two (or more, to include extended family/friends) phials of sand of different colours are together poured into a bigger vial.

Similarly, you can have a Unity Candle, and two (or more) people light it with tapers.

All these actions are accompanied by appropriate words by the celebrant.

At a second wedding ceremony

Jumping the Broom

There are various origins to this ceremony, but it involves the couple jumping over a besom (a sort of witch’s broom). The new home symbolism (sweeping out the old) is fairly evident, but it can have the extra element of introducing a bit of humour to the proceedings.

So these add-ons, or others like them, can make a real difference to the atmosphere of the ceremony.

Naturally, if you want to explore this any further, do feel free to let me know.

Imagine …!

Imagine …!

Just imagine for a moment …

What if a full religious wedding doesn’t rock your boat?

What if the secular, standard, certificate-signing at a Register Office doesn’t excite you either?

But what if you could go to the Register Office in the morning or the day before in your jeans, with a couple of witnesses?What if you signed the marriage certificate and then enjoyed a wonderful, joyous ceremony in the afternoon with all your guests?

Because you can.

With the help of a celebrant.

As long as the legal bit is still carried out, there’s nothing to stop you holding the ceremony you actually want – at the venue you want.

The Ceremony

One of the beauties about a celebrant-led wedding is that he or she will help you (as much or as little as you want!) to build your own ceremony. So if you want a religious component (even taken from various cultural sources), or a mixture, you can put it in; if you want spiritual elements, just go for it; poems and texts are absolutely OK. With some give and take, this way you can please yourselves AND keep your parents happy!

As well as the readings, you decide on the music. You also have the last word on the choreography (who walks or stands where), readers, the wording, and delivery, of the vows. Don’t worry, if that sounds off-putting. Your celebrant will be pleased to advise and make helpful suggestions. This process, usually conducted by e-mail, can go on over the course of several months.

Ritual

You will be able to incorporate any rituals and little touches that would not previously have been possible, if you so wish. For example, drink from a loving cup, burn a Unity Candle or have a handfasting (an ancient Celtic betrothal ritual).

Conclusion

In short, this is YOUR day, and your celebrant, who will of course conduct the ceremony for you, will do everything to ensure that the day is unforgettable, meaningful and what YOU want.

You only have to imagine (and get in touch!)!

New beginnings and decisions

New beginnings and decisions

January is always a good time for decisions. They don’t  just have to be resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking, go dry, or the like. They can be very big ones, like getting engaged

I often exhibit at Wedding Fayres in January, where I have the pleasure of meeting doe-eyed, often rather bewildered couples, who are floating on air after a recent engagement.

What you probably should not do

Newly-engaged couples who attend a Fayre have not necessarily come to the right place (at least, not at the right time). Of course, a Fayre offers a wide range of ideas and suppliers, but it can all prove very overpowering.

How to get started

The first thing you must do, if newly-engaged, is to sit down and choose a date (preferably, at least a year ahead, if it’s in season). You must also decide on whether the ceremony will be religious, part-religious or secular.

Then the budget will have to be settled on and you must agree what part (if any) parents are to play in the planning.

The formal bits

Next, you will need to get the bureaucracy started. If it’s a church wedding, you will need to see your vicar to arrange the banns and the actual date of the service. For any other sort of service, you will need to contact the Register Office and also arrange a celebrant. If you are marrying in a licensed premises, the registrars will come to the venue (for a price); otherwise, you go to their office by appointment.

Venue and Suppliers

Obviously, the venue will have to be booked soon, as will some suppliers like photographers. What sort of entertainment are you going to lay on? A DJ? A live group? Catering will have to be considered. Guest lists can’t be started early enough! When will you contact the florist? Are you going to have a wedding planner, perhaps? What about the clothes for the day? Make-up?

Numerous questions. … and many lead on to others. (For example, catering: do you have a cash bar? Do you offer vegan (say) options ?

Clearly, you should start planning early on, so you have time to arrange things like these.

How do you choose your supplier and venue?

Your venue search may start with the internet, but nothing can replace an actual visit. You will normally be able to meet the wedding co-ordinator, and, if you come prepared, you can ask plenty of questions. Most importantly, you will get a feel for the atmosphere of the venue, and that is so important.

Suppliers (and possibly venues) are best chosen by word-of-mouth. If somebody has worked with them already, they will be able to vouch for the supplier’s professionalism, ability and pleasantness.

If you can’t find a recommendation, testimonials on the website will give a clue (though not much more than that, necessarily). It is best to have a chat on the phone or, better, face-to-face, and you may have a feel for whether they are going to be right for you.

Come what may, you have embarked on an incredibly exciting – though potentially challenging – journey. Buckle your seat-belt on and love the ride!

Ceremony Review of 2017

Ceremony Review of 2017

As another year comes to an end, it‘s only natural to look back. What has been especially memorable? What has stood out?

Every ceremony is different, of course, so it’s impossible to compare like with like. However, I did my first destination wedding in September, so perhaps it is inevitable that I mention that.

Destination Wedding

A lot of work went on in this country beforehand – starting with my rigorous interview (or, actually, interviews). Once the groom had met and approved me, it was the turn of the bride. During that meeting, a recording of me reading was made, and sent off to her parents. Eventually, I received the green light.

This was a five-star wedding in Cyprus. The groom was a South African-born Jew, and the bride Russian Orthodox. In fact, religious content turned out to be minimal, but I needed to be able to address the Russians in an acceptable accent (hence the recording at interview).

The venue (Hotel Anassa), about 1.5 hours from Paphos was a stunning location, and no expense was spared. For reasons of confidentiality, the only photo I can show was of me (flowers – and the wonderful ocean backdrop) before we started (see picture above).

Handfastings

Other ceremonies were less glamorous, perhaps, but nonetheless enjoyable. I particularly think of two, both handfastings.

Source: louiedonovanphotography.co.uk

The first was at Lillibrook Manor, which has a fabulous half-timbered barn and, indeed, wonderful atmosphere. A room was even set aside for me to prepare in, which is most unusual in my experience. The couple were so kind, considerate and warmth glowed from them that it was impossible not to be carried away with the whole ceremony. (I had to make sure I kept my mind on what I was doing!)

The other handfasting was at the Grim’s Dyke, which is a fabulous setting. The weather was glorious, so the ingredients were perfect. The couple, who were both on their second marriage, were initially nervous, but relaxed totally by the end, and their happiness was infectious.

Funerals

People often ask me why I love funerals. Of course, I am sorry that people have died, and their survivors are grieving. The great thing is that I can offer a lot of help and support during the short period that I know them, and that is so satisfying.

Just one example of what I can offer comes in this testimonial:

Dear Michael,

We just wanted to say thank you for all your help and support in the last couple of weeks and during the service for Bill/Dad yesterday. Everyone we talked to said it was a lovely service.

Thank you again,

Margaret, Colin & Graham W.

So it has been a successful and enjoyable year. I have seen my business grow (though not dramatically – I still have availability for 2018!), and I am looking forward with optimism to the New Year.

May I thank you for your support and interest, and wish you all the very best for a healthy, happy and successful 2018.

Happy holidays!

It’s my last blog post before Christmas (yipee!). I therefore want to take the opportunity to wish all my readers happy holidays. (I apologise for the American terminology, but it covers a lot of ground, as Chanukah is still going (just), whilst Christmas is a week away.)

So I hope you have a restful time, and that you enjoy  family time (if that’s on the agenda). At the very least, I hope you find some television that you’ll love and consume a festive feast without too much of a hangover to follow!

On a personal level, this looks set to be the quietest Christmas we have ever known, as family politics means that we will be celebrating on our own this year. We’ll eat and drink well, and I’m sure we’ll find some entertainment (Scrabble or Yahtzee, perhaps?). I’m not too worried, although I usually get thrashed at Scrabble!

As I have no celebrations booked before January and I don’t expect many funerals to happen in Christmas week, I am forced to take some time off, and that’s not entirely unwelcome.

I can do a little planning for my business, of course, and I have some (paid) writing to finish, which will probably take me till the end of December, so I don’t risk getting bored. I even think I may get dragged out for some shopping in the next few days, although I can’t say I relish that…

I wonder if you’ve got rather more ambitious plans than me? It wouldn’t be very hard! But whatever you end up doing, I hope it’s a joyous time for you.

I certainly hope and pray that we all enjoy a happier year. There have been some horrible atrocities in 2017 in the UK and elsewhere. Let’s hope that a little tolerance and understanding spreads across our globe next year. Maybe we can all play a part in achieving that.

Anyway, whatever your religion (if you have one at all), may I simply wish you “happy holidays”.

 

Wedding Weather

Wedding Weather

With the snow coming down unseasonably hard in Harrow as I write, my thoughts turn to wedding weather. Not unreasonably, I suppose.

The weather can make such a difference …

So what arrangements can you make, if inclement weather looks like ruining your big day?

Clearly, it will make a difference whether your ceremony will be held outdoors, or not. The amount of warning you may have about dodgy weather may also play a part. If it’s a freak storm, you may be taken completely by surprise.

One wedding I took was meant to have begun at 5.30 (when it was very sunny and warm). Unfortunately, it couldn’t actually begin till 7.00 p.m., and the rain bucketed down. Nobody could have foreseen that.

All we could do was to borrow a parasol, so that at least the couple were protected!

 

Eventualities

If you’re using the garden of a private venue, say, there may be the possibility of going inside. The owners will appreciate maximum warning, of course, and there may be problems of space etc. Your guests will accept a little discomfort in the circumstances!

Should you (or, rather, the venue) be providing chairs, it may be possible to get the venue staff to dry them off just before everyone arrives (although that doesn’t solve the problem of continuous rain!).

If there isn’t that option, you simply have to grin and bear it. It will help a little bit, if your celebrant can add a bit of humour to the proceedings, but it may not be as fun as you would hope. However, with sufficient warning, you may be able to prepare umbrellas for your guests (and for the couple!). And once you’re wet, you’re wet …!

Maybe you know that it’s likely to be really muddy.  Then you might want to warn people by e-mail (or even do so in the original invitation, especially if it’s a winter wedding). High heels may not be a great idea. A venue might be able to lay down some matting, or whatever, for the ceremony area.

If it’s freezing, unless you can lay on some hot water bottles, you will have to rely on people being sensible enough to come prepared.

For an outdoor winter wedding, it makes sense that, when you prepare the service with your celebrant, you aim at a reasonably brief ceremony. Another factor is that wind may make it very hard to hear what is going on. I did a Vow Renewal at Stonehenge last year. It was wonderful, but I was glad that it was a only a small ceremony, as the incessant wind presented real challenges to my vocal cords!

Good weather!

I ought to mention fine weather weddings (even in this country!). Especially if it’s a hot spell, organise shade, if you can – and water – for guests at outdoor weddings. Parasols may be a possibility.

Attitudes

Every wedding has its professional moaners, however beautiful and faultless it may be. Accept it! But realise that the vast majority of people will NOT blame you for the rain, snow, wind or sun, and will actually take Acts of God in their stride. Do what you can to mitigate stormy weather, and enjoy what you can.

At the very least, it may be a day that you and your guests never forget!