by Michael | Apr 9, 2024 | Blog
It’s normal enough to feel the worse for nerves on your wedding day. Or on any big occasion.
It’s not a bad thing in moderation. In fact, a bit of adrenaline doesn’t hurt at all.
However, you don’t want wedding day nerves that spoil your day. Or even the run-up.
So, what can you do, if you think you’ll be likely to suffer with too many butterflies?
There are tricks you can employ and/or you can accept help.
Techniques
One of the most reassuring things is knowing you are surrounded by trusted professionals. This applies, no matter how many professionals you employ. By that I mean planners, photographers, celebrants, florists, make-up artists, caterers, musicians, etc. etc.
If you have chosen these professionals with care, you know you can rely on them. They will provide a good service and won’t let you down, if something actually does go wrong.
But you can help yourself too.
Firstly, if you have prepared properly for your event (using experienced professionals), let go of the fear and worry. You’ve done all you can to prepare; now it’s down to others to do their job. There’s no point going over in your head what could go wrong. In truth, anything can happen – but it probably won’t! So don’t go looking for trouble, when there probably won’t be any.
If the worst comes to the worst, and something does go wrong, people are usually forgiving, especially if you’ve obviously tried your best.
If the thought of being in the public eye is too much for you, there are people that can help with phobias. I am particularly thinking of Isobel. Her website is www.intherighthands.co.uk, and she has helped a lot of people significantly. She’ll be happy to talk with you.
Remember, come what may, that the vast majority – if not all – of the people at your wedding will be batting for you. Just go out there and enjoy your day!
Feel free to discuss any points this may have raised.
by Michael | Mar 26, 2024 | Blog
People don’t always get it.
It’s true that you can do without a civil celebrant for your life-cycle event – depending on what you are looking for.
You can have a full-religious ceremony in church (or an equivalent). Or, if you’re looking for a simple wedding ceremony that is 100% secular, you can go down the register office or Humanist route.
So why should you even consider an independent civil celebrant?
Personalisation
If you don’t want a standard, run-of-the-mill ceremony, a civil celebrant may be for you. If you want to make your ceremony stand out, then a celebrant may be perfect,
The celebrant-led ceremony can be exactly what you want it to be. It can be formal, semi-formal or informal. It can contain readings that you have chosen (or approved). It can include rituals that you want, that add meaning and beauty to the occasion. You can have readers of your choice involved. You might have your ‘story’ told as part of the service. There can be humour as well as solemnity. There can be as much – or little – religion as you choose.
Of course, with such a ceremony, you can select the venue. You are not bound to stipulations as you are with a Register Office (or church!) service. Indoors or outdoors, all is good (within reason!).
How a Celebrant can help
A good celebrant will ask plenty of questions at your first meeting. They should build up a picture of your vision for the day. They should be helpful and friendly, but professional. They need to be able to make suggestions and advise, where necessary, and help facilitate the service.
They should be a team member, very much in your corner.
A civil celebrant is trained to present in public, and, as well as offering writing skills, should demonstrate great presentation ability.
Most of all, your celebrant needs to be passionate and happy to go the extra mile. They want you to be more than just satisfied with your ceremony.
That’s certainly how I feel about my work, and would love to chat with you further, if this article has whetted your appetite.
photo: www.lyndseygoddard.com
by Michael | Mar 19, 2024 | Blog
In my experience (10 years as a celebrant), I have been involved in a few weddings from hell. True, the vast majority of these events have been delightful, happy, beautiful occasions. But a few stick in the memory for entirely different reasons!
Sometimes, thoughtlessness or stress have been the main cause of bad behaviour, but not all cases deserve to be explained away so readily.
I was booked to conduct a mixed-faith wedding in a garden together with a priest ( a joint ceremony). When the groom’s mother realised that I was not a rabbi (I am a lay preacher), whereas the priest was ordained, she vetoed the arrangement. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that it was her estranged ex-husband who had booked me!
In another case, the mother of the bride seemed to take against me because I wasn’t expensive enough (and probably wouldn’t fit in with the class of people she wanted at the occasion).
A couple whose behaviour baffled me were having a big wedding in the Savoy. As is normal, they had chosen a Best Man, whose main job was to present the rings at the appropriate moment (when invited to do so by me). For whatever reason, although they had received and approved my script in advance, they neglected to tell me that they had made a last-minute change to the arrangement. So when I called up the gentleman to bring up the rings, nothing happened. Even though I repeeated my words, the couple remained silent, leaving me to pick up the pieces.
The only explanation I can think of is that the bride’s father had had such an input in arranging the ceremony that they must have left dealing with me to him. And he, presumably, didn’t think of informing me!
Then there was the (very wealthy and spoilt) Bridezilla. Mercifully, she was civil enough to me, but was dreadfully rude and demanding when it came to speaking to her intended. Suppliers, in front of whom she ranted readily, were highly embarrassed on his behalf! (He was lovely.)
Needless to say, Bridezilla showed a totally different side on the big day.!
To finish with two very unfortunate tales of – more than – rudeness.
In the first instance, the wedding didn’t actually take place, as, a week or so before the appointed day, the groom was caught in flagrante with another woman! (Makes you wonder why he was even meaning to marry in the first place.)
More tragic (in a different way) was the couple, seemingly very much in love, whom I married in a lovely, joyous event. I learned later that they had never gone on the booked honeymoon. Why not?
It turns out that two ladies had (independently, apparently) made themselves known to the bride on her wedding day. (You couldn’t make this up!) . They warned her that the groom had been seeing them on alternate Wednesday nights for many years (an arrangement that had not stopped). Possibly worse than this, the poor bride discovered spy cameras installed in her bedroom – and countless pornographic photos of intimate moments. Needless to say, the groom was arrested.
May I assure you that these are not typical examples of weddings I have been involved in! They are the exceptions over ten years of officiating, not the rule!
To talk about happy, successful weddings or other ceremonies, please have a word with me.
by Michael | Mar 11, 2024 | Blog
Whatever the occasion you are marking, the event can be appreciably improved depending on the texts you use.
People often assume that they need to follow a standard liturgy for ceremony readings. Obviously, this is the case, if you’re having a church ceremony. Otherwise, this does not have to be the case.
Freedom
If you work with a civil celebrant, you have the freedom to choose what goes into your service. Usually your celebrant will have input or, at least, advice to offer.
Things to guide your choice(s) apply to funerals just as much as to celebratory events. You need to establish the tone you want before you choose your readings. Are you aiming for a formal, semi-formal or informal atmosphere? Do you want something spiritual? What about humour? (Humour can be appropriate even in a funeral, depending on the circumstances.)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking your civil celebrant to guide you or even suggest texts. Sometimes it is nicer and more personal, if you select a reading or two for yourself, though,
Tips to help you Choose.
You may have a favourite author or poet, and/or a preferred text from their work. If there’s some reason why you are chosing the particular text (other than the fact that you like it), then share that. Maybe the piece has sentimental value? In what way?
You need to consider the guests. If the reading is very long (upwards of a couple of minutes, I suggest), is perhaps too long. Concentration spans can be limited!
You will also need to consider if your text is readily comprehensible or puts pressure on the audience.
Very important is who reads it. Your celebrant ought to be able to read it beautifully, but you may have someone else in mind. Are they good presenters? There’s nothing worse that a nervous reader falling over the words or someone reading too quietly. Or someone who clearly doesn’t understand what they are reading.
Incidentally, you shouldn’t include inappropriate readings, or ones likely to cause controversy. You should generally steer clear of politics, religion, bad language and personal comments, unless you’re very sure of your ground.
If you want to discuss ceremony readings, please just contact me.
by Michael | Mar 5, 2024 | Blog
A lot of people don’t think of using a Civil Celebrant. One reason is that they don’t know how to make one work for them.
There is a lot of misunderstanding about what a celebrant does (or does not) do.
No two celebrants are the same – and that is part of the beauty of working with one. Once you have sorted out your vision for your ceremony, you can more efficiently choose the person you want to work with.
General Assets
A few things they should have in common are professionalism and friendliness. They need to clarify Ts and Cs. They should be prompt and attentive in correspondence and in person. They should be reliable and transparent.
They should aspire to understand your vision for your event. They ought to be able to make helpful suggestions and also guide you, where needed.
Individual Assets
Celebrants have their own individual strengths. Some may favour a razzamatazz-type of ceremony (a la Las Vegas); others may be better at spiritual services; some will promote rituals; others may prefer more traditional ceremonies.
It probably goes without saying that the celebrant needs to be able to present in public really well. They also need to be able to write well.
You need to weigh up the celebrant’s strengths and see if you think they will fit in to your picture.
Obviously, meeting/speaking to them will help this process, as will testimonials on their website and personal recommendation. The closer your relationship with the officiant is likely to be, the better.
Why Michael?
I shall be a trusted and invaluable part of your team. I’ll help you achieve a unique, tailor-made ceremony that fits in with your beliefs and wishes. Your opinions will be sought and respected.
You’ll be part of the creative process throughout (as long as that’s what you want). You will be able to approve the final version before the day.
To have a chat about how it can work, please contact me.
Photo: samyaz.sproutstudio.com
by Michael | Feb 27, 2024 | Blog
Thursday sees that relatively rare event – the extra day added to our calendar to mark Leap Year.
It’s a correction to counter the fact that Earth’s orbit isn’t precisely 365 days a year.
It gives rise (for some reason) to “bachelor’s Day”. This is an Irish tradition for Leap Day in which women propose to men instead of the traditional other way around.
This got me thinking about proposals. (Naturally, in the course of my celebrant work, I am in contact with a lot of engaged couples.)
I proposed to Isobel over 25 years ago. It wasn’t a Leap Day or even month. In fact, it was July, but that shouldn’t prevent me telling the story. It wasn’t all straightforward, particularly as I wasn’t at all sure that I’d be accepted
I did stack the odds in my favour, though! I was finishing a job in Rome, so I arranged for Isobel to come out and join me there for a few days. Apart from the early start this entailed, she was more than happy to comply.
I had four days during which I could pop the question. Unfortunately, I was afraid that if Isobel rejected me, we would have a tough remainder of our holiday to endure. I therefore decided to postpone my proposal till the last evening, when I had planned we would be in the lovely Piazza Navona.
As it turns out, the Piazza would be inundated with people and, atmospheric as it still was, this was not the place for a quiet proposal (especially if a rejection was to occur!).
Fortunately, a couple of days earlier, on a perfect day weather-wise, we had taken a trip to Tivoli and had the glorious Villa d’Este almost to ourselves.
Now if you’re looking for somewhere romantic, then that is as good a spot as any. I hadn’t been expecting to propose (so was not worrying, but enjoying myself. Before I thought what I was doing, I was down on one knee, blurting out my proposal.
The fact that it was accepted joyfully was such a relief! The rest of the holiday went like a dream. In fact, most of the next quarter of a century have gone like a dream.
Whoever actually does the proposing, it’s something I can warmly recommend!
