by Michael | Jan 3, 2017 | Blog
Let’s face it: who should have the final say about everything when planning a wedding? Is it the bride’s family, who may be bankrolling the affair? Or the professional (if you’re employing one), ie the wedding planner?
It pays to listen to advice – but it must be the bride who takes the ultimate decisions.
If that’s you, this is what you will need to consider.
Organisation
You must list what needs to be done – and by what time. You can buy a wedding book, or create one with a ring binder, say. Ensure you record names and contact details of suppliers.
You could do worse than download (forgive the plug!) my free “Wedding Countdown Checklist” (click here), and you’ll be well on the way.
Bridesmaids
You need to get on with this early in the process. Choose your maid (or matron) of honour; her main job will be to organise the bridesmaids and support you both emotionally and practically.
As for the bridesmaids themselves, you want people you can count on, so choose carefully.
Don’t forget you’ll later want to show your gratitude to them. It could be a gift presented at the reception or a lunch before the wedding.
Dress and Accessories
It’s also worth starting this process early (you ought to have placed your orders six or more months before the wedding). Your dress is the first priority. Then look for (if appropriate) veil, gloves, shoes, handbag, jewellery and undergarments. You may want to involve your maid of honour or a parent here.
You’ll need to decide on a hair and make-up stylist early. A good idea is to book a trial run a couple of months in advance of the wedding, as well as the ‘real thing’ on the day.
Other suppliers may book up quickly, so do your homework and act on your findings in good time.
You may want to have your engagement ring cleaned and even book a manicure.
Responsibility
Although, as I suggest, the final decisions will be down to you, there is no need to do everything yourself! Nor is there any sense in it, as burn-out would then be a real possibility.
So why not delegate (gently!)?
Your parents or in-laws may well appreciate being invited to participate. Drawing up the guest list is an obvious communal job. They might want to publish news of your engagement or your wedding in the newspaper. Maybe they can book a band for your reception.
Your bridesmaids may well enjoy being consulted about their dresses.
The groom can prove himself useful. (No, really!) Traditionally, he may take on buying the wedding rings, choosing the ushers and the best man (and their attire) and buying gifts for them. He may organise the registrars, the transport on the day, arrange to pay the celebrant and plan the honeymoon. So he needn’t get off that lightly!
In addition, at the start, you will surely visit the venue together. You may want to set the budget, discuss your ceremony, agree/write your vows, share thoughts on whom to invite and which gifts to put on the wedding list.
Your beloved may have contacts and might be able to help organise the catering, florist, photographer etc.
To sum up
The bottom line is: accept help and advice gracefully ; don’t try and do it all yourself; plan meticulously; be the final arbiter; and relish the whole process!
by Michael | Dec 21, 2016 | Blog
At this time of year, it seems right not to be entirely serious, so I thought a few moments of levity, even about funerals, might be permitted. Unless otherwise stated, they all relate to services I have conducted (with names changed, to protect the not-necessarily innocent!).
Limousine lunacy
Although neither of these was ‘my’ funeral, I was tickled by the idea of the limo that turned up at the wrong address (Shades of “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, and “I’m not dead yet!”)! Then the limo that arrived at the right address, only to find that the whole family were still in bed!
Football Fanatics
At a family visit, I learned that the deceased had been absolutely committed to Chelsea. Supporting them had virtually been his whole life. So, as we put the service together, I suggested “Blue is the Colour”, which is the Chelsea anthem. The family enthusiastically agreed.
On the day, having explained the reason, I asked the guests to open their Order of Service booklets to the page where the words could be found. “Please feel free to join in,” I said, “I certainly won’t, being a Tottenham supporter!”
I’m glad (for reasons that should now be obvious) that I didn’t have to conduct the service of an Arsenal supporter, not least because everyone seemed to be expected to don Arsenal shirts! There’s only so far I’m prepared to go!
Daft Dress
I’ve only actually been asked to wear something special at a funeral once. This was for somebody known by everybody as “Greenie”, so the whole family were going to wear green, and would I do something too, please? Of course, I would.
On the day, I came suitably attired, and looked to see what the others were wearing.
Anything but green! Not one of them had any green!
What was that all about, then?!
Worrying Words
Finally, Steve had decided – and I totally sympathise – that he wanted to save money. There would be no Order of Service, but he’d print up and distribute the words of “Amazing Grace”, which was to be our only hymn. He’d also record it and bring the CD (or whatever) with him.
That should have been fine.
So, at the appointed time, I asked people to rise and join in the singing. Unfortunately, without informing anybody, Steve had changed the recording to Elvis’. Not a problem in itself, but he had failed to check it. It turned out that the version was different and the words mostly did not correspond to those on his songsheet!
Greetings
Not all my funerals are as much fun, of course! And, indeed, they can be poignant and moving too. Things DON’T normally go wrong. But they can have their lighter side, and that’s what I have been sharing with you.
I hope you’ve had a smile, and, however you may mark this season, I wish you all the best for the festivities.
by Michael | Dec 19, 2016 | Blog
Last week, we spoke about the wedding count down beginning at least a year before the event. The point of that being to ensure that there is time to make informed choices. It’s also vital not to wait too long, as your chosen suppliers may be snapped up by other people.
You also want to make sure you’re not too anxious and stressed, so by going at it all gently but consistently, you will ensure the ground is covered.
Assuming you’re still on schedule, what else needs to be done, as the big day approaches?
One month before
- Confirm your bookings with all your suppliers
- Collect your wedding rings
- Arrange your final dress fitting
- Hold final fittings for your bridesmaids/pageboys/flower-girls
- Write and practise your wedding vows (if yours is a bespoke civil ceremony) as well as any speeches
- Have a consultation with your photographer so you can ensure your needs are met
- Have a hair and make-up trial run
- Finalise the guest list and seating plan
- Confirm dietary needs with your caterer
- Order currency for your honeymoon
One week before
- Hold a wedding rehearsal
- Compile timings for the day and ensure the relevant people have this (planner, photographer, Best Man, caterer, etc.)
- Check again that outfits are in order
- Pack for your honeymoon
- Assemble an emergency kit for the day (make-up, safety-pins, Paracetamol, sewing kit, plasters)
The eve
- Give the ushers the Order of Service
- Make sure the venue has table plan, place cards, guest book and pens, and, if relevant, decorations
- Collect hired suits/dresses
- Give rings and supplier details to the Best Man
- Lay out your wedding dress, lingerie, accessories etc.
- Get an early night (but set the alarm)!
The day itself
- Allow around six hours to prepare yourself
- Groom and Best Man should arrive at the venue about 30 minutes early
- Check the Best Man has the rings and his speech, messages, and anything else you may ask him to look after for you
If you do manage to achieve all this within the time span suggested, you won’t have to worry at all about arrangements. Instead, you can relax and really enjoy your day. You’ll have deserved it!
by Michael | Dec 13, 2016 | Blog
So you’ve got engaged – congratulations! But don’t sit back! It’s time to start the wedding count down.
There’s more to do than you’ll expect. To keep it as stress-free as possible, I recommend that you start planning at least a year before the event.
If you put things off, you’ll soon find that you’re under pressure – and possibly making the wrong decisions.
Don’t be impulsive, although you should go with your heart to quite a degree. Wherever possible, follow recommendations. Visit suppliers and certainly the venue, so you can get a feel for them. Take the opportunity to ask questions.
Here are some of the things to do:
As early as possible
- Fix your budget
- Decide on the type of ceremony you want (full religious; totally secular (Register Office); mainly religious, non-religious or part-religious (Civil Celebrant))
- Book your venue
- Book your florist, cakemaker, transport, caterers, musicians, entertainers, photographer/videographer
- Book your minister, registrar and, of course, civil celebrant.
- Draft a guest list
- Choose your team (bridesmaids, ushers and Best Man)
- Start looking for your wedding dress
- Organise wedding insurance
Six months before
- Buy your wedding rings
- Buy your bridal lingerie and shoes (and wear them for dress fittings)
- Book a hairdresser and make-up artist
- Choose outfits for the groom, best man and ushers
- Order your stationery
- Book your honeymoon – check passports are valid. Do you need any vaccinations?
Three months before
- Confirm ceremony details (including [celebrant] order of service and wedding music )
- Send out invitations and gift list
- Discuss menu and drinks with caterer
- Have initial dress fitting
- Buy gifts for Best Man, ushers and bridesmaids
- Plan your hen/stag parties
My next blog will take you through the month before your wedding, so don’t miss it! However, if you can’t wait, why not e-mail me and I’ll gladly send you my Wedding Countdown Checklist, which will tell you everything in one document?
by Michael | Dec 5, 2016 | Blog
The “Funeral Service Times” carried an article about SunLife’s 2016 “Cost of Dying” report. It emerged that funeral costs rose by 5.5% over the year. Apparently, the average cost of a funeral came to £3,897. However, if you factor in probate, flowers and a headstone, that sum rose to £8,802 per person.
It was even worse if you live in London. On average, a funeral here costs £5,529.
The best place to save some money is Northern Ireland! The average cost there was “only” £3,277.
Some 1,500 people were surveyed between April and May 2016. Many of these voiced their concerns at the outlay. Some 13% of those who had organised a funeral in the last four years said the expense had hit them hard. Of those people, 10% had had to sell belongings to finance the funeral, and 24% had deferred the payment by using a credit card.
Insure yourself
Many Funeral Directors offer a funeral plan. Simply expressed, you can pay for your funeral in your lifetime, and this will prove a good investment (unless you die before the costs have had time to rise!). They’ll be happy to talk to you about this.
Take control
An incredible 1% of those who had organised a funeral in the last four years said they were fully aware of the deceased’s wishes. 59% knew (at least) whether cremation or burial was the deceased’s preference. 37% knew which funeral director had been chosen. 22% had no idea what the deceased might have wanted at all.
Death is one of life’s few certainties, but it is remarkable how little we Brits discuss it. We feel uneasy talking about it, let alone, planning for it.
As a result, as we have seen, there can be financial issues when a loved one dies. More than that (judging by the above statistics), 99% of us have to make decisions about a loved one’s funeral without knowing if that is what the deceased would have wanted.
According to 95% of those who had to organise a funeral, knowing the preferences of the deceased made things much easier. However, almost of third of these have done nothing about their own end-of-life plans.
A solution
Many celebrants offer the possibility to write a personalised funeral during your lifetime. They will normally come to your home, talk over the various choices open to you, question you (in order to draw up a eulogy), give you a quote and then, if you accept, send you a draft ceremony for you to approve. (They can also conduct the ceremony on the day – availability allowing – if that is what you instruct.)
Note that there is no legal compulsion for your instructions to be followed. What you can do is to make sure your next-of-kin know your feelings (and can locate the service that has been written) – and it’s a good idea to discuss your feelings and intentions with them first. For example, if you opt for a green burial, you may not realise that there will be no memorial of any kind for them to visit.
If you do want to take control and also help your next-of-kin, have a word with a funeral celebrant. With good advice, he can put your mind at rest.
