Wedding Music

Wedding Music

Wedding music is a huge area, and oh, so important.

Music touches emotions. It is atmospheric and can set the tone for the whole ceremony. As a celebrant, I am quite often asked if I have any thoughts about music (even for funerals, by the way). I certainly have my opinions, but it really goes down to what sort of ceremony you will be having (ie the tone, degree of formality etc.) and the sort of music you actually like.

 

So plenty of generalising and sitting on the fence for Michael now!

When do you want music?

There may be music in the middle of the service, but most commonly you expect it at the beginning and at the end. To be more precise, for maybe a quarter of an hour before the bride arrives, and then for the processional. If there is certificate signing at the end, music could be played, and it’s almost obligatory for the recessional.

Live or recorded?

Recorded music critically depends on the apparatus functioning correctly. Things can go wrong for live musicians too, of course, but they are probably better placed to sort things out. Live performers may well cost more than, say, the DJ who is already going to do your reception. However, I feel that live music has the edge when it comes to conjuring up an atmosphere.

Traditional or Modern?

If you are having a big, traditional ceremony, then you may well opt for the trusted works, like Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March” or Pachelbel’s “Canon”. They are absolutely fine, but you don’t need to raid the classical repertoire for suitable music.

Pop songs or ethnic music have their place at many weddings. It all depends on the tone, of course. Youngsters may appreciate Adele’s “Make You Feel My Love”, or “Circle of Life” or Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way you are “.

Choice

The other obvious element for a couple to consider is their own personal taste. They need to agree on whatever is to be played, and they need actually to like the music! (There’s little point choosing it, otherwise.) If it’s a personalised ceremony, then the music can reflect the personalities of the pair.

However, think carefully before you organise loud rock music blasting out to a room full of middle-aged aunties! A little moderation may work wonders!

It possibly doesn’t need saying that, while the entry music can be reflective, the recessional should be upbeat.

It’s worthwhile carefully weighing up the various pros and cons, and deciding what matters to you. Once you know the degree of formality you are expecting, choose music that you love or that means something to both of you. Then you’ll be well on the way to inspiring a wonderful atmosphere for your big day.

And that is precisely what the right music can provide.

For more advice, feel free to contact Michael.

Same-sex Ceremonies

Same-sex Ceremonies

Having recently conducted a wonderful same-sex wedding, I started doing a bit of mulling. Presumably, there are major differences between  heterosexual and same-sex ceremonies?

Dress

In this particular case, as you can see, one spouse wore a white wedding dress; her partner wore a lounge suit and tie. Obviously, formality was what the pair wanted, and that fitted the bill.

So one tick on the list of similarities straight away.

Family

Probably not so simple. What if the family opposes your marriage?  Especially if it’s same-sex.

There are plenty of examples, however, of obstacles being placed in the way of heterosexual couples, so this is a similarity,  rather than a difference.

Incidentally, a possible solution to this problem is to use diplomacy. You may be able to encourage the parent (or whoever) to feel more positive by inviting them to participate in some way in the ceremony, for example, by doing a reading. Or you might assure them that you will (still) visit them as regularly as before at weekends/holidays etc.

Of course, you should get them to meet and get to know your partner, preferably informally. If the charm offensive doesn’t work, then think about asking your officiant to have a word.

If you want a religious (or part-religious) ceremony (or your parent does), then you can always use a civil celebrant like myself.

So not that different, whether the wedding is same-sex or heterosexual.

Suppliers

A few venues may have problems with gay ceremonies, but decreasingly so. In the same way, some suppliers may not want to work with a same-sex couple. You may recall that an intransigent anti-gay cake-maker in America was prominent in the news a year or two back. The fact that that was a big news item highlights the rarity of such an occurrence.

Problem areas

The only area that may cause a problem in a single-sex ceremony, as opposed to a heterosexual one, lies in vocabulary. Is the couple to be referred to at the end as “Mr and Mr Jones” or “Mrs and Mrs Smith”?

 It’s possible that some of the readings will need a bit of rewording, but essentially the same-sex and heterosexual ceremony should turn out to be much the same.

The celebrant can always alternate the names, so it isn’t always the same person being addressed or referred to first.

As we have seen, the differences are actually not so great between heterosexual and same-sex ceremonies. I hope that will reassure you that absolutely nobody needs to be put off from arranging a same-sex ceremony!

Don’t forget that I can help out! Just send me an e-mail or give me a call.

Weddings Abroad

Weddings Abroad

If you mention weddings abroad, people think of destination weddings. There is no doubt that that is a very important sector. In fact, it seems to be growing in popularity all the time.

But “destinations” can be somewhat less exotic than many people imagine. This is usually because the venue choice is determined by where the family of one of the families is based. It may also be because the couple work in different countries and have to opt for one.

Weddings abroad, however exotic the location, bring a major problem in their wake. If you’re getting married in a foreign country, what do you do about those guests who can’t be there?

Destination Weddings

With a genuine destination wedding, there are various options available.

In some cases, you ensure (as much as possible) that the people you really want to attend actually get there by organising and paying for their flights, transfers and hotel. You need to start planning this well in advance, so your guests can make sure they are available. Then it’s a question of organising the flights and hotel. Whether you use a travel agent or do it yourself, of course it isn’t going to come cheap!

However, you will be surrounded by your choice of people on your big day, and how do you put a price on that?

The other possibility is to give details and plenty of warning, but not do most (or any) of the financing. You leave your guests to sort out their travel and reservations. That way, they have the option to turn their trip into a holiday and stay out there as long as they want.

The longer they have to consider this (ie to ensure they can be free and can budget for it), and the more information you can send them in advance, the better.

Other Weddings Abroad

As a celebrant, I conduct a number of weddings where this is one of two ceremonies that the couple will be having.

For example, Lucy and Dave got married (in a small legal ceremony) on a Greek island. A month later, in London, I conducted what, to all intents and purposes, was their wedding. Everyone knew they were married already, and this was more of a ceremony of blessing, but as most guests had been unable to attend the original wedding, this was a perfect solution.

Of course, this idea of a “wedding blessing” (call it what you will) can work well after a destination wedding too.

Tania and Magnus decided to have their official ceremony in Windsor. After the registrars had legally married them (in one room), they had the ceremony of their dreams in another chamber. A lot of Swedes (from Magnus’s side, obviously) came over, but they did have the option of attending a small ceremony in Sweden too, if they had been unable to get to London.

Sometimes, people choose an intimate ceremony abroad. I am conducting a wedding for a Greek couple in London, where there will only be a dozen guests. Once they are legally married, they will return to Greece and mark the occasion in a different way for those who didn’t come.

So there are ways round the problem of accommodating those who can’t attend a wedding abroad, and these can be simply stunning.

 

Wedding Bloopers

Have you ever seen wedding bloopers with your own eyes?

If you haven’t, don’t go thinking that things never go wrong at major events!

Don’t they – heck?!

If you haven’t seen any wedding bloopers for yourself, then you must have watched footage on YouTube or Harry Hill’s “You’ve Been Framed”. Grooms faint, children or dogs steal the show, the minister stuffs up, arguments break out, someone missed their cue critically … Of course, these tend to be extreme examples, but they do indeed happen.

 

However well-organised you are or how efficient the wedding planner may be (if you have one), there is a huge potential for things to go awry. Logistics are really not easy, especially if there are large numbers of guests involved.

Certain elements are particularly difficult to arrange, like the catering and serving, but misfortune can fly in from the least expected directions.

Who’d expect the bride’s father to get paralytically drunk? Who’d have expected that cloudburst that marooned some of the guests? What about the reverend who fell ill and couldn’t conduct the ceremony? Or the family member who made a scene because she disapproved of where she had been placed for the reception? How anticipate the ex who turned up uninvited and unannounced?

As a civil celebrant, I have obviously been part of many a ceremony, (although I don’t usually stay for the reception, so there may have been quite a few disasters that I have missed!).  I have only personally experienced three occasions when things did not go at all as planned, so I guess I’m quite lucky.

Conflict of Interest

I arrived an hour early for an open-air wedding blessing in Enfield one Friday evening in August. The guests had arrived, the sun was shining, and all were looking forward to the 5 p.m. start. All? Well, not the Best Man.

It turned out that he had had to go to a job interview. It had gone on longer than expected and so he got stuck in rush hour traffic on the M25. We couldn’t start without him, so we had to wait until about 6.30.

Five minutes into the ceremony, after bride, groom and I been buzzed by a persistent wasp, the heavens opened … Oh, well ….

Too Much Responsibility

Joseph, the groom, had two jobs for the day, really. One was to get himself to the venue on time, and the other was to remember the rings. As his hotel was local to the venue, he could hardly fail to arrive in good time. And this proved to be the case. When I jokingly asked him if he had remembered the rings, the colour drained from his face … Oh, no! Hotfoot he went, back to his hotel!

Fashionably Late

Finally, I was standing with the groom, Jan, at the front, as we waited for the bride. It was very hot. We were all poised, in  good time, expecting the bride. Time passed, and no sign of Carys. Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes elapsed. No word. People tried to contact her, but without success.

Jan, understandably, was getting nervous, if not positively concerned. I asked him if he wanted a glass of water, and he gratefully acceded. Leaving him, I went to the back of the hall and poured him out a glass. That was the precise moment that Carys chose to appear. Off she went, marching up the aisle, with yours truly in exactly the wrong place!

A slick shimmy round the side, and I was up at the front before Carys reached us, but it wasn’t a comfortable moment!

Things don’t always go the way you plan!

Next time you attend a ceremony, don’t be too hard on those involved in doing the organising! It’s not easy to put together all the strands that go to make up an event. Things do go wrong. What matters is how they are sorted out.

 

When Life gets in the Way of your Big Event

When Life gets in the Way of your Big Event

The time may come when you want to commemorate a big event in your life (or in that of someone close to you). You will probably be marking a milestone birthday or anniversary, wedding, naming, or even a funeral. It’s going to be very important to you that the event is conducted appropriately. In fact, it’s got to be perfect.

And why wouldn’t it be?

Obstacles

Here’s why. Any one of these reasons (plus others) may get in the way:

  1. Somebody insists that everything is done their way only
  2. Money concerns
  3. Differences of opinions about the amount of religious elements to be included
  4. The relevant people can’t agree on the size of the gathering
  5. Or the venue
  6. Or what rituals, if any, are to be included
  7. Or who participates in the ceremony
  8. The date

 

And so it goes on!

Solutions

In most cases, give and take may be necessary.

If you feel somebody is trying to hi-jack the arrangements, try and have a talk with them. Explain that others are involved too and would like to participate as well. You’re grateful for what they are doing, but it would be appreciated if the load were shared around a bit. Not everyone will listen to reason, I know, but many people will (if approached the right way).

If money is the issue, there are ways round it. These can range from a reduced guest list or choosing a different venue to arranging your function out of season and, even, in the morning or early afternoon. You may also be able to use your bargaining powers to knock suppliers’ prices down a bit.

If religion is causing problems, you might be able to suggest a secular ceremony with various religious elements included. This could keep everybody reasonably happy.

As for the rituals (if any) and involvement of family and/or friends, you will need someone to co-ordinate the ceremony. This is where a civil celebrant can come in.

Help is at Hand

Your civil celebrant will work together with you by offering ideas and guidance. He can suggest options and, if you explain where you need help, will be delighted to point a way forward.

Although he may not be ordained, he will be able to offer the religious elements, if that’s what you want. He will be happy to include whoever you want to be involved, and offer you some wonderful and apt readings.

Every word of the ceremony that you eventually put together will be agreed by you. There’ll be no unpleasant surprises on the day!

It may take a little ability to compromise, but that end goal of a perfect ceremony will still be accessible. It will be so  worth the effort!